Found on another forum

[theholycow]

Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest... The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my wife Julie. What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse- sized tazer. The effects of the tazer were supposed to be short lived, with no long-term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety....??

WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home. I loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button and pressed it against a metal surface at the same time; I'd get the blue arc of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs.

AWESOME!!!

Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave.

Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two triple-A batteries, right? There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target. I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised. Am I wrong?

So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and tazer in another. The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water. Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries.

All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5" long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference; pretty cute really and (loaded with two itsy, bitsy triple-A batteries) thinking to myself, 'no possible way!' What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best.. .

I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side as to say, 'don't do it dip####,' reasoning that a one second burst from such a tiny little ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad. I decided to give myself a one second burst just for heck of it. I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and . .

HOLY MOTHER OF GOD . . WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION . . . WHAT THE HELL!!!

I'm pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs? The cat was making meowing sounds I had never heard before, clinging to a picture frame hanging above the fireplace, obviously in an attempt to avoid getting slammed by my body flopping all over the living room.

Note: If you ever feel compelled to 'mug' yourself with a tazer, one note of caution: there is no such thing as a one second burst when you zap yourself! You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor.. A three second burst would be considered conservative?

IT HURT LIKE HELL!!!

A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape. My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace. The recliner was upside down and about 8 feet or so from where it originally was. My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching.. My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs. I had no control over the drooling.

Apparently I pooped on myself, but was too numb to know for sure and my sense of smell was gone. I saw a faint smoke cloud above my head which I believe came from my hair. I'm still looking for my nuts and I'm offering a significant reward for their safe return!

P.S.. My wife, can't stop laughing about my experience, loved the gift, and now regularly threatens me with it!

If you think education is difficult, try being stupid !!!

[Chadster08]

What a fucking idiot.

[2005_Silverado]

nice!

[stonehenge]

jest

[Cez★]

rofl

[elmeano85]

Those things hurt like a bish.... My big bro said he would gimme 50 bux if he could zap me then he zapped me and stiffed me on the cash. Never tried zapping myself though

[theholycow]

Another one:

I got scammed trying to get a ipad on craigslist
I thought I would post this here to warn anyone who is thinking about trying to get a ipad on craigslist. If something is too good to be true then it probably is.

I have been browsing on craigslist and the prices here in Houston for a 64gb have been anywhere from 800 to 1200 bucks!!! I really don't have 800 to drop on a ipad but I came to a interested post. Basically, there was a guy that wanted to trade his 16gb ipad for a BJ. I called him and offered him 350 for the it but he said that all he wanted was the BJ and I could have the ipad after that. I've never given a BJ before and when I told my wife about it, she thought it was disgusting. I later got her to let me do it since she knew how much I wanted the ipad and plus there is nothing but apple products in my home. The guy seemed pretty legit so I decided to go along with it.



We met at the Starbucks across from the Galleria and he showed me the ipad in his car. The ipad was in mint condition and he had the box with all the accessories. We agreed that I would give him the BJ in the starbucks bathroom and I would get the ipad afterward. He seemed to be a pretty honest guy. He was a white caucasion male that was somewhere in his 40's. Anyways, I gave him the BJ and it lasted about a good 5 minutes. I was kind of scared because it was my first time doing anything like this but he made me really comfortable because I think he could tell it was my first time. I was relieved when we finished and he congratulated me on the whole thing. I think that fact that I was finally getting my mitts on a ipad totally clouded my judgement.



The guy started to act all wierd and said that it would seem odd if we both walked out of the bathroom at the same time so he said that he should go out first while I get cleaned up and then I could meet him at his car to get the phone. I did what he said and when I got outside, he was long gone!!! I am so pissed up. I've been calling his phone all day and he won't even answer. My wife is pissed because I don't have the ipad even though I gave him the BJ. I thought I would file a police report about the whole thing but I figured I would have probably looked like a idiot doing so. So I'm just venting here to let everyone know that craigslists scams are real and I was the victim of one. I will continue my quest to get a ipad and hopefully I will have one soon.

[okbeast]

i'd do this to chad

[stonehenge]

That's probably how Chad got his iPhone.

[Cez★]

[shootermcgavin003]

ive been hit with a real one the units pack

[theholycow]

Uh huhhhuhuh you said unit.

[shootermcgavin003]

ever been hit with a police issue taser? it will fuck you up.

[Cez★]

Originally Posted by theholycow

Uh huhhhuhuh you said unit.

[stonehenge]

Originally Posted by theholycow

Uh huhhhuhuh you said unit.

I am the great cornholio, give me your TP

[Trevor F]

i need moar

[stonehenge]

cao bell?