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07-12-2017, 06:05 PM | #176 |
potato tornado
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 5,806
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Exwiffle fucked up. Keep away
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07-12-2017, 06:57 PM | #177 | |
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you guys are the only forum I mention this shit too. that and my personal friends.
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07-12-2017, 07:56 PM | #178 | ||
Bovinus Administratus
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Quote:
Want to move this thread to FF so it's not visible to the public? Quote:
Her actions have made her true nature crystal clear. Maybe over the long term her actions can show personal growth and a new reliability, but that's nothing to take into account in the near future. Don't hold your breath. Don't plan on getting back together with her. She can say "I fucked up, I want you back and I don't want anyone else and I never want to hurt you again." She can believe it and she can mean it truly from deep down in her heart (although that's unlikely) but she can and probably will still be wrong. Such a statement would be a siren song though, in your vulnerable state, and that's just part of the reason that you need to completely shut her out immediately and for a long time. (Here, "you need" means that it is a need that you have for your own health, not a command from me.) Protect yourself. Even if you truly want to build a life with her again, both logically and emotionally, unambiguously and undoubtedly...even then, you must protect yourself, keep her away, and honestly plan on never getting back together with her. It's the ONLY thing that can allow you to heal (it alone won't heal you, but it is a prerequisite). It's also the only thing that can allow her to become the person she needs to be to be a healthy part of a relationship (though again, it won't cause that, it is a prerequisite and maybe a motivation) with anyone (someone else or future-you). Allowing yourself to think or believe (at this time and into the foreseeable future) that there is any chance of making it work with her will prevent healing for both of you and will prevent any such chance. It may sound like a catch-22 but it's not; you break the loop by breaking free of her. You must excise her and that relationship from your life like a cancerous tumor from your body. There's no need to deny the good memories, the past that you built together, the parts of each her that will always be part of you, except of course where those things were bad, contributed to this problem, or failed to stop this problem. She must lose it all, permanently, before she can begin to appreciate what she lost and why she lost it. If you succumb then she learns (whether consciously or merely subconsciously) that she can do whatever the fuck she wants with no regard for anyone else and still have whatever the fuck she wants in the end without any of the severe consequences that go along with those bad decisions. She remains broken. If you succumb then you remain broken too, but you get broken even worse. Don't do that to yourself. It will NOT make you feel any better except very temporarily. It will not be a route to fulfillment or happiness, only to more and worse pain and/or numb lifeless depression. Be strong. Accept the pain now. Use your support network: your friends and family who prop you up, your new gf, the few of us here on this forum. Keep busy with things that occupy your mind and body, preferably things with other people, learning how to live a new life. Treat yourself to things that were unavailable with her. Travel, cars/other toys, going to concerts you couldn't have gone to, whatever. Hell, take a trip up to Massachusetts in September to hang out with me at the Amesbury Harvest Fair and Country Music Festival: http://www.amesburymusicfest.com
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07-12-2017, 08:01 PM | #179 | |
C-E-Z★ bitch
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Cao with da wisdom. No wonder india reveres you
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07-12-2017, 08:25 PM | #180 |
potato tornado
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 5,806
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Fak cao!!! Cliffz
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07-12-2017, 08:54 PM | #181 |
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thanks ....leave it here is fine
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07-12-2017, 09:07 PM | #182 |
potato tornado
Join Date: Aug 2010
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What happenz in AOT, stays in AOT.
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07-12-2017, 09:18 PM | #183 |
Bovinus Administratus
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Some of the long post was a bit repetitive, but there was a lot in there too.
Cliff's: - Even if she believes she can do right by him, she's probably wrong. (Not that people can't change, but now's not the time to put faith in her growth; and right now she assuredly would be wrong.) - He must avoid her and push her away, pursue his own life and happiness permanently without her, above all else, no matter how much he pines for the good old days. - If he doesn't then he hurts himself more, prevents his healing, and prevents her from the growth she needs to be capable of being a healthy part of a relationship with anyone (especially him). - He needs to take his mind off of the issue. - He needs to seek and accept help of everybody he can in order to prop him up. Staying strong like that is a hard job, probably more than one human can handle. - He should come hang out with me at a festival in MA in a few months.
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07-12-2017, 09:45 PM | #184 |
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id prob have to fly but id enjoy it but idk if can afford right now
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07-12-2017, 09:52 PM | #185 | |
C-E-Z★ bitch
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Time to start saving
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07-12-2017, 09:56 PM | #186 |
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well its hard to plus that's rod run weekend I think
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07-13-2017, 01:39 PM | #187 |
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I know I couldn't afford to go anywhere...the only way I can even afford the festival is that I'm working there so my admission is free.
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07-13-2017, 02:29 PM | #188 |
dododododooooooo
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Tenn
Age: 36
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Didn't read the long list of replies so I'm sure this has been mentioned.
I was with a girl for a little over 5 years and thought that would be the one I married. We didn't always get along but seemed to always work it out. She got a little attention from another dude one time and thought the grass was greener. Left and started fuckin him for a while, he had girlfriend of his own that he didn't leave. We fought, I tried to kick his ass, etc. Anyway, after a year of her coming back for a few weeks, then running off to another dude for a week or two, then repeat the cycle. Keep in mind, I was rolling girls through, then when she would call, I'd leave them for her. Potential missed several good girls because of her dumb ass. Either way, in the end, she got knocked up by a dope head that was 10 years older than her and had 3 other kids he didn't take care of. Meanwhile, I found the girl that I'm marrying in October, on our 9 year anniversary. Things happen for a reason. It'd be one thing if she just fucked the dude but she committed to a relationship and flushed that 16 years down the drain. Its the most difficult thing in life but if you stay strong and move on, that pain goes away. Get a hobby and make some new friends that dont know the situation. Sometimes being around the people that bring it up, make it worse. Good luck dude and stay on the right track. Seeing a therapist may be a good option. Drinking will increase the urge to make dumb choices, so keep that in mind as well.
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07-13-2017, 04:32 PM | #189 |
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she didn't commit to the relationship until we where pretty much divorced. its not the guy she cheated with. she was alone for a few months and I was too mad and hurt to work it out. so we both tried to move on. now I wish I had said lets fix it.
Last edited by nekkidhillbilly; 07-13-2017 at 04:35 PM. |
07-13-2017, 07:05 PM | #190 |
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Hoenn
Posts: 85,082
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You want to fix it because you want what you used to have, but are you sure that she'd go back to how she was? She won't do it again or get bored or whatever excuse she used and go screw around again?
fts, NHB deserves better
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07-13-2017, 08:19 PM | #191 |
potato tornado
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 5,806
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Word
So AOT festival? Will there be cao love pillows for purchase?
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07-13-2017, 09:36 PM | #192 |
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yeah im afraid she would and yes I do deserve better I wasn't perfect yes I was grouchy and would snap at her sometimes when I was in a bad mood that's still no excuse for what she did to me. I wouldn't have ever betrayed her or left her.
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07-13-2017, 11:09 PM | #193 |
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That's the point of view you need to keep even when the feels hit imo
Sent from my Moto G (5) Plus using Tapatalk
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07-13-2017, 11:46 PM | #194 |
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yeah I know but I really prob want to work this shit out with her sadly.
Last edited by nekkidhillbilly; 07-13-2017 at 11:52 PM. |
07-14-2017, 12:06 AM | #195 |
Join Date: Feb 2009
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I get it. I'd probably be the same way in your shoes regardless of what I'm telling you to do. After all that time, you want to go back to what felt good/right.
Sent from my Moto G (5) Plus using Tapatalk
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07-14-2017, 01:16 PM | #196 |
dododododooooooo
Join Date: Nov 2011
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Age: 36
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You aren't the one to blame here. What you were doing worked for 16 years. I'm guessing you didn't change so the issue lies within her. You are the victim so dont put it on you like its your fault. I did the same shit but in the end, it was her that had changed, not me.
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07-14-2017, 02:22 PM | #197 | ||
Bovinus Administratus
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Quote:
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You made the right choice. It's okay to wish that you had tried harder to fix it, but in reality it wouldn't have helped. She would not have tried to fix it. She would have tried to keep you wrapped around one finger while she keeps the other dude (or dudes) too. She would have worked every angle to make that happen, all the while wreaking more and more destruction on you. Imagine if the hurt you feel now was 100x worse (doesn't seem possible, right?) and was sustained and fed by her constantly for a long time. Keep working on making yourself whole without her, while leaving her behind. It's a slow, difficult, painful process, and it's necessary.
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07-14-2017, 04:32 PM | #198 | |
C-E-Z★ bitch
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Hang in there nhb
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07-14-2017, 10:17 PM | #199 |
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Hoenn
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Visit Cez in jewston and watch animes. JoJo will pick you up, that foo owes Cez like 2mil miles of rides.
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07-14-2017, 10:59 PM | #200 | |
C-E-Z★ bitch
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Can grill and drink
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