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Old 10-02-2011, 09:15 PM   #76
theholycow
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theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.
theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.
Default

(Library | Colorado, USA)

(The computers in the computer lab are all in use. There is a sign up station to get the next available computer.)

Customer: “I signed up, but it didn’t work.”

Me: “I see your name. You will get the next available computer.”

Customer: “Which one?”

Me: “It depends which other customer leaves first.”

Customer: “So, it’s random?”

Me: “No, it’s not random. You are in the queue to get the next available computer.”

Customer: “Why didn’t you just say that? It’s random.”

Me: “No, sir, it’s not random. You will–”

Customer: “Queue isn’t a regular English word. Just say it’s random.”

Me: “Sir, computer number 14 is ready for you.”

Customer: *muttering* “It’s random.”
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Old 10-02-2011, 09:19 PM   #77
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shootermcgavin003 will gtfo if Matt becomes mod on AOTshootermcgavin003 will gtfo if Matt becomes mod on AOTshootermcgavin003 will gtfo if Matt becomes mod on AOTshootermcgavin003 will gtfo if Matt becomes mod on AOT
shootermcgavin003 will gtfo if Matt becomes mod on AOTshootermcgavin003 will gtfo if Matt becomes mod on AOTshootermcgavin003 will gtfo if Matt becomes mod on AOTshootermcgavin003 will gtfo if Matt becomes mod on AOTshootermcgavin003 will gtfo if Matt becomes mod on AOTshootermcgavin003 will gtfo if Matt becomes mod on AOT
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id say bish your random too
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Old 10-02-2011, 09:30 PM   #78
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Cez★ says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.Cez★ says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.Cez★ says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.Cez★ says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.Cez★ says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.Cez★ says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.Cez★ says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.Cez★ says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.Cez★ says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.
Cez★ says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.Cez★ says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.Cez★ says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.Cez★ says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.Cez★ says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.Cez★ says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.Cez★ says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.Cez★ says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.
Default

id say "your grave will be random"
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I am the robber of my cradle. Candy is my body and teddy-bears are my blood. I have snatched over a thousand little girls. Unknown to police. Nor known to Chris Henson. Have withstood time to stalk many children. Yet those kids will never be enough. So as I pray--

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Old 10-03-2011, 02:05 AM   #79
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stonehenge says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.stonehenge says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.stonehenge says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.stonehenge says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.stonehenge says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.stonehenge says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.
stonehenge says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.stonehenge says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.stonehenge says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.stonehenge says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.stonehenge says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.stonehenge says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Cez^_^ View Post
id say "your grave will be random"
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Old 10-11-2011, 09:21 PM   #80
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theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.
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Default

...
Quote:
(Tech Support | Missouri, USA)

(I work at a call center geared toward internet and television technical support.)

Me: “Thank you for calling tech support. How may I help you today?”

Customer: “My service is out. It’s been out all day!”

Me: “Okay, I can help you with that. Is this your TV or internet service?”

Customer: “TV or what?”

Me: *slower* “Is this your TV or internet service?”

Customer: “What’s that?”

Me: “What’s what?”

Customer: “That second thing you said. What’s that?”

Me: “The internet.”

Customer: “Yeah, I don’t know what that is.”

Me: “Um, sir, it’s connected to computers.”

Customer: “I don’t know what that thing is, but I don’t got no computer.”

Me: “Okay, what kind of TV service do you have, then?”

(Thankfully, everything goes smoothly once we get off the topic of computers and internet.)
Quote:
(Pharmacy | New Jersey, USA)

Customer: “Hi, I’m calling to see if you have cholera pills in stock.”

Me: “I beg your pardon? Cholera is a contagious disease.”

Customer: “No, it’s not! I’m looking for cholera pills!”

Me: “Um, do you mean the natural supplement Chlorella?”

Customer: “That’s what I said! Cholera! It’s spelled C-H-L-O-R-E-L-L-A. Cholera. I am looking for a large bottle if you
have it.”

Me: *gives up* “Yeah, sure. We happen to have a few bottles of cholera in stock.”

Customer: “I’ll be there in five minutes!”
Quote:
(Party Supply Store | Belgium)

(A customer addresses me with a question about balloons we’ve sold her the week before.)

Customer: “I think I bought the wrong ones.” *points at the shelf* “These don’t rise to the ceiling. Where are the ones that do?”

Me: “I’m sorry, but there is only one kind of balloon. They float if you fill them with helium.”

(The customer stands there giving me a puzzled look.)

Me: “You just blew them up with air, didn’t you? You see, if the gas is lighter than the air–”

(She continues to look with a confused, helpless gaze.)

Me: “If you want them to float in the air, you’ll just have to buy this tank of helium, put the balloon over the valve and release the gas into the balloon.”

Customer: “But I’ve already blown up all the balloons! Is there no other way to have them go up to the ceiling?”

Me: “You could tape them onto your ceiling.”
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Old 10-11-2011, 10:58 PM   #81
stonehenge
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stonehenge says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.stonehenge says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.stonehenge says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.stonehenge says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.stonehenge says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.stonehenge says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.
stonehenge says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.stonehenge says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.stonehenge says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.stonehenge says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.stonehenge says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.stonehenge says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.
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wtf is internet?
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Old 10-12-2011, 12:07 AM   #82
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Cez★ says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.Cez★ says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.Cez★ says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.Cez★ says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.Cez★ says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.Cez★ says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.Cez★ says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.Cez★ says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.Cez★ says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.
Cez★ says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.Cez★ says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.Cez★ says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.Cez★ says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.Cez★ says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.Cez★ says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.Cez★ says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.Cez★ says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.
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Some people should read a chemistry book on the periodic table
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Quote:
I am the robber of my cradle. Candy is my body and teddy-bears are my blood. I have snatched over a thousand little girls. Unknown to police. Nor known to Chris Henson. Have withstood time to stalk many children. Yet those kids will never be enough. So as I pray--

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Old 10-14-2011, 06:05 PM   #83
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linden is so cold, he'll kick a man when hes down.
linden is so cold, he'll kick a man when hes down.linden is so cold, he'll kick a man when hes down.linden is so cold, he'll kick a man when hes down.linden is so cold, he'll kick a man when hes down.linden is so cold, he'll kick a man when hes down.linden is so cold, he'll kick a man when hes down.linden is so cold, he'll kick a man when hes down.linden is so cold, he'll kick a man when hes down.linden is so cold, he'll kick a man when hes down.linden is so cold, he'll kick a man when hes down.linden is so cold, he'll kick a man when hes down.linden is so cold, he'll kick a man when hes down.linden is so cold, he'll kick a man when hes down.linden is so cold, he'll kick a man when hes down.linden is so cold, he'll kick a man when hes down.linden is so cold, he'll kick a man when hes down.
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uncle sent me this
Quote:
The following are facts taken from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters, who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said , 'Where am I, Cathy?'
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No , I just lie there.
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis , does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget...
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
___________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do..
ATTORNEY: You do?
WITNESS: Yes , voodoo.
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Now doctor , isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep , he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
____________________________________

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He's 20, much like your IQ.
___________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shitting me?
_________________________________________

ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Getting laid.
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death..
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.
_____________________________________

ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them.. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
_________________________________________

ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral , OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral...
_________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
____________________________________________

And last:

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No..
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when youbegan the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.
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Old 10-14-2011, 06:12 PM   #84
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theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.
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Classic.
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Old 10-14-2011, 06:12 PM   #85
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stonehenge says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.stonehenge says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.stonehenge says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.stonehenge says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.stonehenge says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.stonehenge says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.
stonehenge says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.stonehenge says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.stonehenge says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.stonehenge says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.stonehenge says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.stonehenge says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.
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Old 10-15-2011, 03:44 AM   #86
Cez★
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Cez★ says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.Cez★ says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.Cez★ says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.Cez★ says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.Cez★ says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.Cez★ says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.Cez★ says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.Cez★ says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.Cez★ says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.
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last 4. fucking priceless
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I am the robber of my cradle. Candy is my body and teddy-bears are my blood. I have snatched over a thousand little girls. Unknown to police. Nor known to Chris Henson. Have withstood time to stalk many children. Yet those kids will never be enough. So as I pray--

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Old 10-19-2011, 08:04 PM   #87
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stonehenge says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.stonehenge says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.stonehenge says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.stonehenge says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.stonehenge says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.stonehenge says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.
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Quote:
I work in IT, have done so for around 7 years. Had many hilarious / frustrating / ridiculous things happen but this is my favorite:

A client of mine was setting up a new business and was trying to keep alot of information about this new start up private. He composes an email with certain information about this new company and sends it over to us stressing that he wants to send this out to over 50 recipients and wants to ensure that each recipient can't see the other recipients email addresses as this would cause many problems for him.

In his email to us he states "How do I make sure that each recipient can't see each other ? It would be a major shit storm if they saw each others email addresses as I could possibly be cut out of several very important business deals".

Wait for it...

"I have included the list of every recipients email address in the CC bar at the top of this email, please respond and advise"

After forwarding to the other techs in the company and loosing about half an hour through laughing so hard my face almost exploded.. I politely explained to him that he had just forwarded that email to every single person on the list and they can all see each others email addresses.

Oh and in future to use the BCC field.
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Old 10-20-2011, 01:51 AM   #88
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Cez★ says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.Cez★ says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.Cez★ says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.Cez★ says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.Cez★ says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.Cez★ says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.Cez★ says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.Cez★ says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.Cez★ says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.
Cez★ says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.Cez★ says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.Cez★ says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.Cez★ says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.Cez★ says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.Cez★ says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.Cez★ says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.Cez★ says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.
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Quote:
I am the robber of my cradle. Candy is my body and teddy-bears are my blood. I have snatched over a thousand little girls. Unknown to police. Nor known to Chris Henson. Have withstood time to stalk many children. Yet those kids will never be enough. So as I pray--

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Old 10-20-2011, 06:21 PM   #89
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stonehenge says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.stonehenge says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.stonehenge says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.stonehenge says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.stonehenge says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.stonehenge says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.
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Quote:
Client: “I don’t want to download it. Just give it to me over the phone.”

Me: “It’s a computer program, I can’t give it to you over the phone. I can mail you a DVD, or I can tell you how to safely download it over the internet.”

Client: “Look, I’m not downloading anything, and I’m not getting off the phone until you give it to me.”

Me: “…Okay, do you have a pen and a piece of paper?”

Client: “Hold on… Yup, go ahead!”

Me: “0 1 0 0 0 1 0 1 1 1 0 0 1 0 1 0 (continued saying random sequence for about 20 seconds)”

Client: “Okay, I guess you can mail it to me.”
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Old 10-26-2011, 09:02 PM   #90
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theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.
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Quote:
(Retail | Georgia, USA)

(I am working the register in the garden center when a man with no arms come through with an item held under his chin. He leans over, drops it on my counter and says that he’ll be right back. He comes back with several more items under his chin, and states that he is ready to check out.)

Me: “So, how is your day going?”

Customer: “It’s going fine, thanks!”

(The transaction goes smoothly until it’s time for him to pay.)

Customer: “I have no arms, so you’ll have to get the money out of my pocket.”

(I blink, but it sounds reasonable, so I walk around the counter to get the money. As I reach into his front pocket, he notices
something.)

Customer: “Oops, my fly is open. But, don’t worry. Nothing will jump out at you!”
Quote:
(I’m walking down the street when an older man approaches me.)

Older man: “Hey there.”

Me: “Hi.”

Older man: “How old are you?”

Me: “Um, well I’m an adult.”

Older man: “Married?”

Me: “Sir, please stop asking personal questions.”

Older man: “Sorry, but my son really needs a wife.”

Me: “I don’t even live here, I’m on vacation.” *I begin walking away*

Older man: *chases after me* “Doesn’t matter. Ah, aren’t you Chinese? I have to talk to your parents about marriage, right?”

Me: “Sir, please leave me alone.”

(Suddenly, a younger man who is across the street begins yelling.)

Younger man: “Dad! Quit nagging girls. I can find my own wife.”

(The younger man crosses street to talk to me.)

Younger man: “Sorry, young lady. My dad is not happy that my younger brother is getting married before me. Says it’s bad luck!”
Quote:
(Restaurant | Morehead, KY, USA)

(While waiting tables one afternoon, a group of 4 older gentlemen, aged about 65-70, seats themselves in my section. In the middle of their meal, one of them beckons me over.)

Customer: “Did you know that 2 out of every 3 people sing in the shower? The other third touch themselves. Anyway, do you know what they sing?”

Me: “Uh, well, no. What do they–”

Customer: “I didn’t think you would. You can go.”
...
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Old 10-26-2011, 10:29 PM   #91
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stonehenge says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.stonehenge says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.stonehenge says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.stonehenge says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.stonehenge says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.stonehenge says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.
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Quote:
I got called down to a client/acquaintance's house to fix an email problem (again). After a few minutes the problem was fixed and I'm about to head out.

Now, between me getting up from the chair and reaching the front door, the client begins cursing under his breath and yanks a sheet of paper out of the printer.
Looking back, I casually ask if anything is wrong. He tells me "no" and it's about then that I notice his hand is covered in ink and there's a black puddle forming around his printer. The conversation continued like this:

"Are you sure? Your printer is leaking ink..."

"No no it's fine. It does that."

"I dunno, man. I've never seen a printer even do that before but it's not good. I can give you a spare printer of mine to tide you over until you can get a replacement. Either way you definitely shouldn't use that thing anymore."

"But it still works!"

At this point the ink puddle has dripped onto the floor and he's gotten ink on his shirt and pants. I'm doing what I can to hide my "are you serious" face. He went on to tell me that the printer has been doing this for a while now but that it usually goes away once he BUYS A NEW INK CARTRIDGE. Then it's good for a couple weeks.

I smiled and nodded, knowing there was nothing I could do to help.
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Old 10-27-2011, 01:12 AM   #92
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shootermcgavin003 will gtfo if Matt becomes mod on AOTshootermcgavin003 will gtfo if Matt becomes mod on AOTshootermcgavin003 will gtfo if Matt becomes mod on AOTshootermcgavin003 will gtfo if Matt becomes mod on AOT
shootermcgavin003 will gtfo if Matt becomes mod on AOTshootermcgavin003 will gtfo if Matt becomes mod on AOTshootermcgavin003 will gtfo if Matt becomes mod on AOTshootermcgavin003 will gtfo if Matt becomes mod on AOTshootermcgavin003 will gtfo if Matt becomes mod on AOTshootermcgavin003 will gtfo if Matt becomes mod on AOT
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morehead ky one is only an hour from here

so as you can see its like the whole eastern part of the state is smartasses
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Old 10-27-2011, 01:53 AM   #93
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theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.
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Quote:
(Restaurant | Ontario, Canada)

Customer: “I’d like your grilled calamari salad, please. Also, I’d like to substitute the calamari for squid.”

Me: “Sir, calamari is Italian for squid.”

Customer: “No, no, I know the difference. Squid have tentacles, so I want that instead.”

Me: “Certainly, sir.”

(I end up having the kitchen make the salad as usual, much to the customer’s satisfaction.)

Me: “Here is your grilled squid salad, sir!”

Customer: “See, that wasn’t too hard! Thank you!”
...
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Old 10-27-2011, 08:54 PM   #94
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theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.
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Quote:
(Ice Cream Store | New Jersey, USA)

Customer: “What’s in the Cookie Monster?”

Me: “It is a blue cookie dough ice cream with Oreos in it.”

Customer: “Can you take the blue out?”

Me: “No, we use a blue dye when we make the ice cream. It has no flavor.”

Customer: “Oh, okay. I’ll get a different flavor because I don’t like the taste of blue.”
Quote:
(Medical Office | Great Neck, NY, USA)

(I call patients the day before their appointment to remind them.)

Me: “Hello, [patient], I am calling to remind you of your appointment with [doctor] tomorrow at noon.”

Patient: “Okay, what time is my appointment?”

Me: “Noon.”

Patient: “But what time is my appointment?”

Me: “Noon.”

Patient: “What time is noon?”

Me: “Um, it’s at twelve o’clock…in the afternoon.”

Patient: “Oh, great. Thanks! I’ll be in.”
Quote:
(Retail | Reno, NV, USA)

(Note: California has just enacted a new law stating that it is illegal for retailers to ask consumers for their zip code.)

Me: “And could I get your zip code, please?”

Customer: “You can’t ask me that! It’s illegal!”

Me: “Only in the state of California. This is Nevada.”

Customer: “Well, I’m not giving it to you because it’s an invasion of my privacy.”

Me: “Okay.”

(I’m finishing her transaction, and she sees the signup form to receive emails about sales and coupons.)

Customer: “What’s this?”

Me: “This is a form to receive emails about coupons, sales, and special offers.”

Customer: “Oh! Okay, I’d like to sign up!”

(She starts filling out the form.)

Me: “I just need to ask you for your zip code.”

Customer: “Okay!”
...I get annoyed with the constant zip code and phone number questions when I'm just buying something stupid. I said annoyed, not paranoid.
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Old 10-27-2011, 10:32 PM   #95
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stonehenge says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.stonehenge says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.stonehenge says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.stonehenge says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.stonehenge says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.stonehenge says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.
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Yeah i give it to them in the hopes that it would make them build a store closer to my area or something but in reality I doubt it does shit.

---------- Post added at 01:32 PM ---------- Previous post was at 12:10 PM ----------

Quote:
Had a guy drop off his laptop today. He gave me 2 passwords, both 18-20 characters long. When I booted up his computer, I was immediately greeted with a BIOS password prompt. As I typed in his password, I found out there was a 12 character limit. I called him and had the following conversation:

Me: Hey Charlie, I need your BIOS password. The ones you gave me are too long.

Him: I gave it to you, it's unicornsaretasty

Me: I keep typing that in, but I can only get unicornsaret in before it reaches the end of the box.

Him: It's always worked for me. Are you sure it's spelled right? <he proceeds to spell it>

Me: Yep, I got it spelled right. Are there any capitals?

Him: Nope. All lower case <spells it again>

This loop continues a few more times when finally....

Him: Oh, yea. Did it beep a few times? It needs to beep a few times, that means it's working.

Me: ....No. Hang on, let me try it. <type in the entire password, sure enough, it beeps 6 times after it hits the 12 character limit>. ಠ_ಠ Looks like that worked.

Him: The beeps mean it's processing. Don't they teach you that in geek school?

Me: I must have missed that class.
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Old 10-27-2011, 11:52 PM   #96
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theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.
theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.
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Old 10-27-2011, 11:54 PM   #97
KOURKE
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KOURKE says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.KOURKE says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.KOURKE says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.
KOURKE says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.KOURKE says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.KOURKE says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.KOURKE says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.KOURKE says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.KOURKE says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.KOURKE says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.KOURKE says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.KOURKE says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.KOURKE says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.KOURKE says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.
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Fucking wow....truly retarded
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Old 10-28-2011, 12:18 AM   #98
Cez★
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Cez★ says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.Cez★ says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.Cez★ says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.Cez★ says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.Cez★ says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.Cez★ says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.Cez★ says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.Cez★ says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.Cez★ says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.
Cez★ says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.Cez★ says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.Cez★ says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.Cez★ says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.Cez★ says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.Cez★ says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.Cez★ says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.Cez★ says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.
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i laughed at teh
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I am the robber of my cradle. Candy is my body and teddy-bears are my blood. I have snatched over a thousand little girls. Unknown to police. Nor known to Chris Henson. Have withstood time to stalk many children. Yet those kids will never be enough. So as I pray--

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Old 10-28-2011, 12:25 AM   #99
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theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.
theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.
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Quote:
(Tire Center | Missouri, USA)

(I work at a tire center. More often than we’d like, we get completely clueless customers coming in for tire replacements.)

Customer: “Hello, I’d like to get my tires changed.”

Me: “Sure, what’s the year, make, and model of your vehicle?”

Customer: “I’m really not sure of any of that. Do you need it?”

Me: “Yeah, we need to know so we can get the right size of tires. Do you know if your car is a Chevy? A Ford? Dodge?”

Customer: “I don’t know, but I think the name starts with an E?”

Me: “Okay, is it a car, truck, or SUV?”

Customer: “I’m really not sure.”

Me: “Okay, let’s just step outside on the parking lot. You can point your car out for me and I can get the information there.” (The customer stands at the door and points out to the lot, which is filled with cars.)

Customer: “It’s the white one.”

(I go outside and begin to walk to the first white car I see.)

Customer: “What are you doing?! I said the white one! The white one!” *points to another white car in a different direction* “You don’t know what you’re doing! Who hired you?”
Quote:
(Pharmacy | Goffstown, NH, USA)

(A customer has called to ask if we carry an over the counter soap in our store.)

Me: “Hello, ma’am? I just checked and we do carry [brand] soap. However, we are all out of stock right now, but we could order some for you and it would come in tomorrow.”

Customer: “You don’t carry [brand]?”

Me: “We do carry it. We just don’t have it in right now.”

Customer: “Well, why not?”

Me: “Because other customers have purchased it. But we can order some for tomorrow.”

Customer: “Well, how long will that take?”

Me: “It’ll come in tomorrow.”

Customer: “So, how many days will that be?”
...
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Old 10-28-2011, 12:30 AM   #100
Cez★
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El Emigrante Champion Kill Time in Your Office Champion Tobby: Crane Champion Zelda Champion
Join Date: Feb 2009
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Cez★ says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.Cez★ says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.Cez★ says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.Cez★ says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.Cez★ says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.Cez★ says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.Cez★ says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.Cez★ says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.Cez★ says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.
Cez★ says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.Cez★ says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.Cez★ says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.Cez★ says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.Cez★ says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.Cez★ says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.Cez★ says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.Cez★ says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.
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i hope these are fake. so mash cezrage would occur
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Quote:
I am the robber of my cradle. Candy is my body and teddy-bears are my blood. I have snatched over a thousand little girls. Unknown to police. Nor known to Chris Henson. Have withstood time to stalk many children. Yet those kids will never be enough. So as I pray--

Unlimited Pedo Works
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