LOL pics? :bishplz: LOL text...

[Andrew]

*at local bar with friend*

*waitress walks up*

She gives me a highfive as we've known eachother for awhile. Friends first time meeting her.

Waitress: Your here again?! Must like me an awful lot.

Me: Who you kidding....I just made your day by showing up.

Friend: Can I get a highfive too?

Waitress: SURE! *raises her hand*

Friend: Funny thing about my hand...

I knew where he was going, and did the biggest simultaneous

Friend: ....is its located on my penis.

Waitress: *small laugh/WTF?!* ..looks at me

Me: You dont happen to give discounts to special needs helpers do you?


My friend is going to be foreveralone for the REST OF HIS LIFE.

[Cez★]

[theholycow]

(Movie Theater | Cincinnati, OH, USA)

(I am the assistant manager at a movie theater. There is a showing of the latest Harry Potter movie that is completely sold out. A pair of teenage girls approaches me to ask for some help. A woman is refusing to let them sit down in the theater, and the movie is starting in about 5 minutes. I go with them and find that their seats are the last two in the theater. The woman in question has three kids, all who look to be younger than 12.)

Me: “Excuse me, miss, but could you let these two girls sit down? The movie will be starting soon and–”

Woman: “No. My kids can’t sit by strangers. They might get kidnapped or raped.”

Me: “I understand that you care about your children very much, but these two girls need to sit here.”

Woman: *raising voice* “I just told you, my kids can’t sit by strangers! What don’t you get about that?”

Me: “Ma’am–”

Woman: “I mean, look at them! That one’s wearing a rapist symbol on her shirt!”

(She points to one of the girls, who is wearing a shirt with her astrological sign on it.)

Me: “Ma’am, if you’re going to make a scene, I’ll have to ask you to leave.”

(The woman continues to raise her voice at me and insist that these girls cannot sit down here. The movie is already going to be delayed at this point, and the two girls are looking visibly upset. I go ahead and call for security. At this point, the woman realizes that she’s been beaten, so she makes one last stand.)

Woman: *standing up, at the top of her lungs* “Help! These girls are touching my kids!”

(Security comes and holds her in their office for the rest of the movie. Her kids got to stay for the movie. Afterwards, I run into her again.)

Woman: “I’m going to call the police on you! You let those girls touch my kids!”

Child: *in tears* “Mom, you’re so embarrassing!”

...

[apedestrian]

dem rapists are everywhere

[stonehenge]

damn teenage girls goin around raepin on kidz

[theholycow]

Dey rapin errbody!

[swab]

I wish i got raped by teenage girls when i was a children. Would be nomz

[stonehenge]

[KOURKE]

hide ya kids, hide ya wife cuz dey raepin errbody out here at regal cinemas

[OKLAGMCRUISER]

tfl dnr

[theholycow]

(Gas Station | Nova Scotia, Canada)

(I work at a gas station with a carwash. A customer comes in and pushes his way to the front of the line. He is holding a shirt that is dripping wet.)

Customer: “Your car wash sucks!”

Me: “Sorry to hear that. What seems to be the problem?”

Customer: “I just bought a car wash and it didn’t clean anything! There is still a giant stain on it.”

Me: “There is a giant stain on your car, sir?”

Customer: “I don’t drive a car! I drive a truck, and the stain is on my shirt, you idiot!”

(He holds up his shirt to show me a nice brown stain in the middle of his white shirt. I look at him confused for a few seconds until I look outside and see two men pulling clothes out from the back of a bright blue truck.)

Me: “Sir, did you try and wash your clothes in our car wash?”

Customer: “No, I am just standing here with a wet shirt for fun. I want a refund. It didn’t clean my shirt!”

Me: “Sorry, this isn’t a laundromat, sir. I’m sorry. There is nothing I can do.”

Customer: “I bought a luxury car wash and it didn’t clean s***! I want my f***ing money back!”

Me: “We only give refunds on vehicles that haven’t been cleaned, sir.”

(The customer yells a few choice words, threatens to call the head office, and leaves. To date, I have not heard from the head office.)

...

[stonehenge]

if that is for srs then W T F

[linden]

smh fucking canada

[theholycow]

(Call Center | Vancouver, BC, Canada)

Me: “Hello, this is ***** Healthcare line. What can I help you with?”

Caller: “Hi, I’m calling because my son just ate a bunch of ants.”

Me: “I’m sorry? Your son ate ants?”

Caller: “Yes! I was wondering if I need to take him to the hospital and see a doctor.”

Me: “Well, ma’am, I don’t think you need to worry. I don’t think the ants will make him sick, but I advise that he doesn’t eat any more of
them.”

Caller: “Well, I gave him some ant killer to get rid of them.”

Caller’s friend: “Get him to the emergency room, now!”

...nobody can be THAT stupid, that's gotta be fake. Right?

[linden]

:

[stonehenge]

Originally Posted by theholycow

...nobody can be THAT stupid, that's gotta be fake. Right?

Please allow me to repeat myself:

Originally Posted by Juan!

if that is for srs then W T F

[Cez★]

[linden]

I allow canada to redeem them self i just got this email

DON CHERRY, Canadian Hockey Commentator for CBC Television, was asked on a local live radio talk show, what he thought about the allegations of torture of suspected terrorists. His reply prompted his ejection from the studio, but to thunderous applause from the audience.

HIS STATEMENT:

"If hooking up one raghead terrorist prisoner's testicles to a car battery to get the truth out of the lying little camel shagger will save just one Canadian life, then I have only three things to say:

'Red is positive, black is negative, and make sure his nuts are wet."

[stonehenge]

[Cez★]

bamf :canuckpatriot:

[theholycow]

[lowerc]

cut that out cao, you're making us look bad

---------- Post added at 03:46 PM ---------- Previous post was at 03:44 PM ----------

to Cherry

[Andrew]

:canadasalute:

[linden]

this is the pick that was attached

[theholycow]

Sorry, I didn't notice until after I posted that it was another