LOL pics? :bishplz: LOL text...

[Cez★]

lol. my coworker worked in that department for our company. the story she has.

[stonehenge]

Cez be like "CSBish lemme get dat "

[theholycow]

dat ? Is that anything like automatic ATM?

[stonehenge]

no no cuz in person he just said "lemme get dat" and made the face, didn't actually SAY "lemme get dat dat ass"

[Cez★]

old coworker

[stonehenge]

[shootermcgavin003]

all the same when your horny and its dark

[Cez★]

[chevy_man]

This thread is well worth the reading.

My own from the other day, magazine company called me. One of those highschool fund-raisers so I bought some from my sister to be nice.



Caller: I would like to offer you a complementary subscription because you've ordered magazines with us before.

Me: Ok....but I already have all the subscriptions I would want.

Caller: Well, we would really like to send you some magazines. Could we extend your subscriptions or would you like anything new...

Me:Well, if it's complimentary (which normally = free????)

Caller: I'm a trainee, please hold for my supervisor

Super: Yes, so if we extend your subscription that'll be $60. How will you be paying today?

Me: Ummmm.... why would I pay for something that's complimentary? Much less 3x the amount that I normally pay. And you really think I need to give you card or check info over the phone after you called and tried to rape me?

Super:Well, you didn't think we would just send you stuff for free? Are you trying to rip me off...(goes into a long rant about how I'm trying to steal from him).

Me: Well, I was under the assumption that complementary meant free, not that I need to go get a jar of vasaline and lube myself up.

Super: Uhhhh, (click)

[stonehenge]

[shootermcgavin003]

[Cez★]

Originally Posted by chevy_man

This thread is well worth the reading.

My own from the other day, magazine company called me. One of those highschool fund-raisers so I bought some from my sister to be nice.



Caller: I would like to offer you a complementary subscription because you've ordered magazines with us before.

Me: Ok....but I already have all the subscriptions I would want.

Caller: Well, we would really like to send you some magazines. Could we extend your subscriptions or would you like anything new...

Me:Well, if it's complimentary (which normally = free????)

Caller: I'm a trainee, please hold for my supervisor

Super: Yes, so if we extend your subscription that'll be $60. How will you be paying today?

Me: Ummmm.... why would I pay for something that's complimentary? Much less 3x the amount that I normally pay. And you really think I need to give you card or check info over the phone after you called and tried to rape me?

Super:Well, you didn't think we would just send you stuff for free? Are you trying to rip me off...(goes into a long rant about how I'm trying to steal from him).

Me: Well, I was under the assumption that complementary meant free, not that I need to go get a jar of vasaline and lube myself up.

Super: Uhhhh, (click)

[theholycow]

WTF is wrong with them?

[lowerc]

fucken

[theholycow]

(University | California, USA)

(I work at a call center for a university. We call prospective students and tell them about our school. This call was meant for a young lady but was taken by her father.)

Me: “I’m calling from [university] to talk to [girl] about her interest in attending our university.”

Father: “University? Like school, papers, homework, and stuff?!”

Me: “Yes, that stuff usually occurs in a university.”

Father: “My daughter ain’t goin’ there!”

Me: “All right, have a nice day, sir.”

(Costume Shop | Massachusetts, USA)

Customer: “Do you sell stripper costumes?”

Me: “Sorry?”

Customer: “Stripper or hooker, whatever. I need it for a Halloween costume party.”

(I assume she’s dressing up herself in a party for adults.)

Me: “Why don’t you just go to a lingerie store? Or perhaps an adult store?”

Customer: “Well, they won’t be selling sizes that fit my kid. She’s 6.”

Good parents, eh?

(Video Rental Store | Westmont, NJ, USA)

(I manage a small video rental chain that is open 365 days a year, including Christmas.)

Customer: “I can’t believe you’re open on Christmas. Who rents movies on Christmas?”

Me: “You’re here…”

Customer: “But I’m renting video games. That’s different!”

(Tech Support | Connecticut, USA)

(I work in a call center doing tech support for mobile phones.)

Caller: “The touchscreen on my phone is going crazy. It does whatever it wants.”

Me: “So, if I understand correctly, you can touch the screen in one spot and it responds as if you touched it somewhere else?”

Caller: “Yes! Actually, I can put it down on the table and it just sits there touching itself!”

[theholycow]

(Restaurant | California, USA)

Customer: “I’d like a kid’s bean and cheese burrito.”

Me: “Alright, would you like a fountain drink, juice, or milk?”

Customer: *turns to her child* “Okay, do you want soda or juice?”

Customer’s daughter: “I just want water.”

Customer: “But soda’s better for you!”

(Retail | Memphis, TN, USA)

(A woman comes into the store and walks up to the clerk.)

Customer: “Some lady parked wrong and is blocking all of the traffic in the parking lot.”

Me: “Did you see her come into this store?”

Customer: “No, I didn’t see her at all.”

Me: “Then, how do you know that it was a woman?”

Customer: “Because women always do things wrong.”

(The woman in line behind her gasps at this.)

Customer: “Well, that’s what my husband tells me.”

(Concert Hall | London, UK)

(I work within a very large concert hall selling programmes for the concerts. A large man walks up to me.)

Me: “Hello, sir, how can I help you today?”

Man: *strong Russian accent* “Excuse me, but where is the Russian carpark?”

Me: “Pardon, sir, could you repeat that?”

Man: “Where is the Russian carpark?”

Me: “The Russian car park?”

Man: “Yes!”

Me: “There isn’t one. There’s just a regular car park.”

Man: “Oh.” *walks off*

Maybe he's in a hurry.

(I’m lying around with my boyfriend-at-the-time. I’ve just told him that I had randomly woken up shirtless that morning. Note: my boyfriend is from Nepal, so I sometimes can’t understand his accent.)

Boyfriend: “Was there a bee in your room?”

Me: “What?”

Boyfriend: “Was there a bee in your room?”

Me: “A bee? Like a bumblebee?”

Boyfriend: “Yeah! They strip you!”

Me: *confused* “…What?”

Boyfriend: “You didn’t know that?!”

Me: “Where did you hear that?”

Boyfriend: “Jesus Christ!”

Me: *even more confused* “What?!”

Boyfriend: “Yeah! I interviewed him the other day! He told me I was sexy!”

Me: “Jesus did NOT tell you you were sexy!”

Boyfriend: “Yeah!”

Me: “A lightning bolt is going to come down and hit you! I’m gonna get hit, too, because I’m right here!”

Boyfriend: *puts his arm around me* “If lightning comes, I push you.”

[shootermcgavin003]

(Restaurant | California, USA)

Customer: “I’d like a kid’s bean and cheese burrito.”

Me: “Alright, would you like a fountain drink, juice, or milk?”

Customer: *turns to her child* “Okay, do you want soda or juice?”

Customer’s daughter: “I just want water.”

Customer: “But soda’s better for you!”


dad?

[stonehenge]

Pepsi > water

-NHB

[shootermcgavin003]

Originally Posted by Juan!

Pepsi > water

-NHB

my tombstone will say this

[theholycow]

(Copy Shop | Ontario, Canada)

(A male customer in his late twenties, who I recognize as one of our regulars, enters the store flamboyantly. He is usually a very high-energy person, so this is nothing out of the ordinary.)

Me: “What’s up, [customer]?”

(He walks up to the counter and slams a huge wad of American money down in front of me.)

Customer: “Guess how much is there. If you guess right, you can have it.”

Me: “Uh…$3500?”

Customer: “Nope! It was $2500! You were close though!”

(All of the sudden, I smell the distinct scent of weed. I realize he’s totally high.)

Me: *trying not to laugh* “So, what are you doing with all that money?”

Customer: “I’m going to Vegas, baby! Also, I need to pick up that fax you got for me.”

(I retrieve the fax. As I’m doing so, an elderly woman walks into the store. My manager comes out to help her at the other end of the counter.)

Customer: “Okay, thanks! I have to leave now. I need to get all the way to the airport!”

Me: “All right, then. Have a good time in Vegas.”

(He walks out, then comes back in a second later as he’s forgotten his car keys on the counter. As he’s leaving again, he stops in front of the door and turns back to face us.)

Customer: “Woo! I’m going to get herpes!”

(My husband and I are walking through the store holding hands.)

Him: “Hold my elbow.”

(I slide my hand up so our arms are linked.)

Him: “Hold my hand.”

(I slide my hand down so we’re holding hands again. I continue following his directions for a while.)

Him: “Hold my elbow. Hold my hand. Hold my elbow. Hold my hand. Elbow. Hand. Elbow. Hand. Elbow-Hand-Elbow-Hand!”

Me: “What is wrong with you?!”

Him: “My forearm was itchy and I wanted you to rub it for me.”

(Office | Pueblo, CO, USA)

(I work in an office for accounts receivable that takes payments, sets up payment agreements, etc. One night, I am working late on the fourth floor with a customer on the line when the building’s fire alarm goes off for a scheduled routine drill.)

Me: “Okay sir, your payment just went through. Your confirmation number is–”

Customer: “What’s that noise?”

Me: “It’s our fire alarm. They’re going to start clearing the building for a drill, so I need to give you this number quickly.”

Customer: “Is your building on fire?”

Me: “No, sir. It’s just a scheduled drill. Your confirmation number, if you’re ready, is–”

Customer: “Should I call the fire department?”

Me: “No, sir. It’s a drill. The building is not on fire.”

(I finally manage to give him his number and am finishing up the call.)

Me: “Thank you for calling finance, sir. Have a good evening.”

Customer: “You, too! Don’t burn to death!”

(Gas Station | South Carolina, USA)

(I am a cashier in a gas station that sells a fair amount of “tobacco” rolling papers. We just recently changed brands that are slightly different. Note that I just moved from the north.)

Me: “Hello, how may I help you today?”

Customer: “I’ll take a pack of one point five rolling papers please.”

Me: “All right, we have [brand name] one and one half gold, [brand name] one and one half silver, or [off brand] one and one half. Which would you like?”

Customer: “I said one point five not one and one half. Don’t they teach math in school anymore?”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “It’s fine. I just wish they would stick to the three r’s still. Reading, writing, and ‘rithmitic.” *storm out*

Me: *stands there with mouth wide open*

Coworker: “Welcome to the south, buddy!”

(I am in the car, about to drive my boyfriend to the bus station. It’s about 4:30 am in November, so it’s extremely cold outside.)

Me: “Geez, babe, it sure is cold out here.”

Boyfriend: “Yeah, it is.”

Me: “You know, with how hot you are and all, you’d think your hotness would’ve radiated and warmed everything up!”

Boyfriend: “Really? If you need to be warm, I can fart…”

Me: *facepalm*

[stonehenge]

http://textsfrombennett.tumblr.com/

[theholycow]

I need a brain enema after reading those.

[theholycow]

From the GMFS shit thread:


---------- Post added at 09:28 PM ---------- Previous post was at 09:17 PM ----------

(Optometrist | Guildford, Surrey, England, UK)

(People have all sorts of names for the sides, or temples, of spectacle frames. I have heard them called “legs”, “props”, “wings”, and “crutches”, among other things. A very strident woman marches into our practice with her teenage daughter in tow.)

Customer: *loudly* “I want you to spread my daughter’s legs. They won’t go behind her ears.”

Me: *speechless*

Customer’s daughter: *speechless and cringing with embarrassment*

Hah

[shootermcgavin003]

I am in the car, about to drive my boyfriend to the bus station. It’s about 4:30 am in November, so it’s extremely cold outside.)

Me: “Geez, babe, it sure is cold out here.”

Boyfriend: “Yeah, it is.”

Me: “You know, with how hot you are and all, you’d think your hotness would’ve radiated and warmed everything up!”

Boyfriend: “Really? If you need to be warm, I can fart…”

Me: *facepalm*

me?

[TATERNATER]

got me, was it?