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Old 05-05-2010, 08:29 PM   #1
theholycow
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theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.
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Angry Epic story of teh suck

Yesterday was the day there's supposed to be no classes and no final exams.

So, it's yesterday. Wife has a mock trial for her final. She has to go to the professor's house at 6pm. She insists that I must drive her.


That means I cannot attend the party my department was throwing for a co-worker.


It turns out I have class at 4pm.


Wife IMs me that she's going to drink with some students.

I notify the professor that I'll have to leave by 5:15 at the latest so I can drive my wife.

4pm comes around, I go to class. Class is actually kinda interesting.


We talk about presidents and I make it sound like I'm staunch republican by describing my dislike of Obama. We talk about cell phones as a security blanket and I say that I wouldn't need one if I'm out on an abandoned mountain but I would need one if I was in a ghetto. I'm looking right at the black girls when I say that.


They don't seem to notice, but later I bring up the discussion again and mention that I realized that anywhere with a lot of people I'm insecure, like sporting events and rock concerts. I also mention that I didn't like the republican candidate, that I voted for the libertarian.


Luckily we're out at 4:50.


I IM the wife. She doesn't respond.

We're running out of time to get to her professor's house. I IM again. She doesn't respond.

I SMS and she responds. I wait in the car forever until she shows up and we go.

We follow the directions/map I printed and it seems to go well. Eventually we decide that it's late and we've gone too far. I give up, pull over to the side of the road, and get the GPS running. It's an ancient Garmin iQue 3600 Palm PDA that's seen much better days, so it takes a few minutes. It creates a route and we're ready to go. Now there's a long line of traffic and I can't get out.


She remembers that she has the phone number of one of the other students and calls to say why we're late.

(Continued)
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Old 05-05-2010, 08:29 PM   #2
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theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.
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Default

At 6:30 we arrive. She says she won't be longer than a half hour and she's insistent that she can NOT be left there waiting for me. I say I'll be back in a half hour, or sooner if she calls.

I go for a drive and find out where we made a wrong turn. It doesn't match the map.

I find a historic site called "Redemption Rock". The entrance to the parking lot is too rough for my VW but I manage to clear it. I walk around and snap a few photos. Nice place.
:ahhh:

There's a nice trail. I walk that and snap some photos. I walk a different section and find some cool stuff but my time is running out.


I start running back up the trail. I'm a fat guy, I don't do running. However, once in a blue moon, out in a forest trail with wet roots sticking up and rocks everywhere, I somehow manage to feel light and airy and enjoy running as I place my feet accurately and quickly.
:ahhh:

That doesn't last long, I am out of breath before I reach the car. I walk to the car, hop in, blast out of there (I think without damaging the car), and get back to the professor's driveway at 7:01. I wait.







Time passes.







Ok, I'll pull out the netbook and see if I can pick up some WiFi. Sure enough, there's a network named "linksys" with no encryption.


I chill on my favorite forums, except the one that if I start looking at it I know I'll want to spend an hour on it. I catch up on all of them and she's still not coming out. I IM someone for a few minutes and then remember that I could catch up on the Family Guy and Cleveland Show and American Dad that I missed on Sunday.


I start watching Family Guy. It's not funny. Worse, it's gross and makes me almost puke. This is the first episode of Family Guy I've ever not liked.


I stick with it hoping it will improve. Why would they make it 43 minutes if it's going to be boring and suck?

The internet connection isn't fast enough. I watch 5 seconds and then wait 10 seconds. I watch 10 seconds and then wait 30 seconds.


The boring part ends and the boring musicals begin.


I quit watching.
:ahhh:

Time passes. Sometimes people come out or walk by and I get all hopeful.

Then I find out it's a false alarm.


I'm hungry, tired, and bored, 50 miles from home. It's 8:30. She comes out.

She sits in the car and tells me they're not done, it's just a break.


She tells me that they have nasty chicken salad inside (something that would make me puke even if it was good quality).


She tells me that there's mold in the house from a flood (she's allergic to moldy air). I choose to remain in the car where it's quiet, I have my music, I have control of the temperature, I'm not around a bunch of people, and I'm not breathing moldy air.

She goes back in. The netbook's battery is dying.


I remember that I have a small inverter that is usually just enough to run a laptop.


I plug it in. It's not enough. I get a few seconds of AC and then a few seconds of battery. I can't convince the netbook to have the same screen brightness for both so it flashes bright-dim-bright-dim.


I start the car. The increase voltage makes it work, now I have AC power.
:ahhh:

The low fuel light comes on. I'm in the middle of nowhere using my engine to run my netbook.


I decide I'll run the engine for a while then shut it off and run the netbook on battery. I'm bored, the forums aren't active and I don't want to hit the big forum. There are more false alarms with people coming out. Eventually she comes out and we get the hell out of there.


It's pitch black and I'm driving really fast through unfamiliar wet forested mountain roads. Deer or moose could come out from behind any tree and IDGAF.


We pass the gas station that the GPS said was within 6 miles. It's closed.


(continued)
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Old 05-05-2010, 08:29 PM   #3
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theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.
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We are on a highway and there's a sign that says there's two McDonalds, a Burger King, a Friendly's, and whatever else. We get off figuring there has to be a gas station among all that crap. 5 empty miles later there's a McDonalds and a BK. No gas station, and :talocosignsbut5miles:


A Mexican who barely speaks English takes our order at the drive-thru. Miraculously, despite the language barrier and the fact that he's a late weeknight BK worker, our order is correct.


Unfortunately, our correct order is still BK.

Actually, I should have remembered that I like Rodeo Cheeseburgers and gotten a couple of those.

The BK isn't sitting well. I eat some Tums.

We continue driving. Many miles later there's still no gas station.

We get into Worcester. The highway is closed and a detour sends us in the other direction on the highway. We pass the detour exit with its small unlit detour sign.


I get off the next exit, turn around, get back on in the other direction. Shortly there's an entrance ramp. There's a clusterfuck of traffic behind a lumbering dumptruck. I can't see if there's an exit on the other side of the clusterfuck which would be the exit I was supposed to take for the detour. Traffic gets in front of me doing 30 while the traffic on my left is still doing 70.


I double clutch into 2nd and floor it.
:ahhh:

Wife is freaking out a little because I take it up to redline and shift hard. She's worried that I'll hurt the car. I reassure her that the VW is designed for that kind of treatment once in a while.

I get off the next exit which I think matches the detour exit on the other side of the highway. I can't find any detour signs.


(Later I found out that they never complete the detour signage around here.)

Since we're in Worcester, I decide we'll just stay off the highway and try to find a gas station.


Ten minutes later, driving through the outskirts and downtown I haven't seen a single gas station.

I'm pissed off, tired, and hurried. I want to jerk the car around to take out some frustration, and I can't drive smoothly anyway because I'm so tired. She's headachy and pukey and insists that I drive smoothly.


Finally I find a gas station. I pump some gas. I ask the Indian (dot, not woo-woo) lady behind the counter if I can use the bathroom. She tells me a story in broken English about someone coming to repair the bathroom losing the key and the boss isn't there so I have to break in, or something like that. I give up.

I get in the car, 100% discombobulated, and can't figure out why the GPS has lost satellite reception.


I say

and drive out. Before I leave the parking lot the GPS gets a lock again. Wife reminds me that we were under the gas station canopy.

I program it for home. We drive 1/4 mile to the highway. There are four open gas stations in that short stretch.

The drive home is, thankfully, uneventful. She's asleep and starts clawing at the air and I'm worried that she'll flail into my face while I'm driving. She wakes up and asks where her blankets went. She didn't have any blankets, we weren't in bed, we were in the car.


I review our plans for when we get home. Often after stuff like this, she needs to sit in the living room for a half hour instead of just plopping into the bed. She groggily agrees that we'll go straight to bed.

We get home and I make a beeline for the bathroom. I come out and she tells me that the cat puked.


Luckily I didn't step in it on the way to the bathroom despite it being directly in my path.


She then discovers, the hard way, that the cat puked on the chair arm where she put her hand.


We go to bed. I start imagining how awful it would have been if I had tracked the cat puke around the house and get I more pissed off. I imagine other stuff that could have gone worse too. I'm finally in bed but I can't sleep because I'm getting more and more pissed off.


I decide I'll just be late to work in the morning. Morning comes, we drag ourselves out of bed, I text my boss to say I'll be late.

So we're driving in and she's wondering why she's hungry. She hasn't eaten any breakfast. I ask if she wants to stop and get something, for once she doesn't.

Now she's asleep in the passenger seat. I'm resenting the fact that she gets to catch up on sleep while I don't. A song I really like comes on. One click of the volume knob makes it go from "I can't hear the song" to "fuck, it's gonna wake her up and she'll talk and I won't hear the song".


(fin)
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Old 05-05-2010, 08:36 PM   #4
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Cez★ says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.Cez★ says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.Cez★ says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.Cez★ says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.Cez★ says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.Cez★ says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.Cez★ says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.Cez★ says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.Cez★ says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.
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teh adventures of cao
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Old 05-05-2010, 08:36 PM   #5
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stonehenge says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.stonehenge says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.stonehenge says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.stonehenge says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.stonehenge says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.stonehenge says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.
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holy fuck Rick

brb reading
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Old 05-05-2010, 08:41 PM   #6
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Chadster08 says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.Chadster08 says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.Chadster08 says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.Chadster08 says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.
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HOLY JESUS THAT WAS EPIC.:roflchopper:

---------- Post added at 02:41 PM ---------- Previous post was at 02:41 PM ----------

Quote:
Originally Posted by Juan! View Post
holy fuck Rick

brb reading
How can you say holy fuck and then go back and read it
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Old 05-05-2010, 08:55 PM   #7
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BillyJeanKing says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.BillyJeanKing says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.BillyJeanKing says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.
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it was a holy fuck aimed at the lengthiness of this thread, a realization that can be attained simply by scrolling through the cows first three posts

so
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Old 05-05-2010, 08:57 PM   #8
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stonehenge says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.stonehenge says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.stonehenge says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.stonehenge says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.stonehenge says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.stonehenge says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.
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Like yamal said, I opened the thread, scrolled to see how long and was its massive length and amount of ffuuuu and posted that before reading it.

Repz @ korkah
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Old 05-05-2010, 08:58 PM   #9
Keeler
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Keeler ain't nobody happy if mama ain't happy :wat:
Keeler ain't nobody happy if mama ain't happy :wat:Keeler ain't nobody happy if mama ain't happy :wat:Keeler ain't nobody happy if mama ain't happy :wat:Keeler ain't nobody happy if mama ain't happy :wat:Keeler ain't nobody happy if mama ain't happy :wat:Keeler ain't nobody happy if mama ain't happy :wat:Keeler ain't nobody happy if mama ain't happy :wat:
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Old 05-05-2010, 09:19 PM   #10
SarkOzy
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SarkOzy thinks teh legal age of consent is 14 :uhoh:SarkOzy thinks teh legal age of consent is 14 :uhoh:SarkOzy thinks teh legal age of consent is 14 :uhoh:SarkOzy thinks teh legal age of consent is 14 :uhoh:SarkOzy thinks teh legal age of consent is 14 :uhoh:
SarkOzy thinks teh legal age of consent is 14 :uhoh:SarkOzy thinks teh legal age of consent is 14 :uhoh:SarkOzy thinks teh legal age of consent is 14 :uhoh:SarkOzy thinks teh legal age of consent is 14 :uhoh:SarkOzy thinks teh legal age of consent is 14 :uhoh:SarkOzy thinks teh legal age of consent is 14 :uhoh:SarkOzy thinks teh legal age of consent is 14 :uhoh:SarkOzy thinks teh legal age of consent is 14 :uhoh:SarkOzy thinks teh legal age of consent is 14 :uhoh:SarkOzy thinks teh legal age of consent is 14 :uhoh:SarkOzy thinks teh legal age of consent is 14 :uhoh:SarkOzy thinks teh legal age of consent is 14 :uhoh:SarkOzy thinks teh legal age of consent is 14 :uhoh:SarkOzy thinks teh legal age of consent is 14 :uhoh:SarkOzy thinks teh legal age of consent is 14 :uhoh:SarkOzy thinks teh legal age of consent is 14 :uhoh:
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Old 05-05-2010, 11:39 PM   #11
Ewok
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Ewok recycles dem bishesEwok recycles dem bishesEwok recycles dem bishesEwok recycles dem bishesEwok recycles dem bishes
Ewok recycles dem bishesEwok recycles dem bishesEwok recycles dem bishesEwok recycles dem bishesEwok recycles dem bishesEwok recycles dem bishesEwok recycles dem bishesEwok recycles dem bishesEwok recycles dem bishesEwok recycles dem bishesEwok recycles dem bishesEwok recycles dem bishesEwok recycles dem bishesEwok recycles dem bishesEwok recycles dem bishesEwok recycles dem bishes
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Wow what a fucking night
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Old 05-05-2010, 11:51 PM   #12
stonehenge
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stonehenge says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.stonehenge says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.stonehenge says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.stonehenge says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.stonehenge says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.stonehenge says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.
stonehenge says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.stonehenge says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.stonehenge says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.stonehenge says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.stonehenge says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.stonehenge says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.stonehenge says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.
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Too bad for cao that story didn't end with

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Old 05-05-2010, 11:52 PM   #13
BillyJeanKing
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BillyJeanKing says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.BillyJeanKing says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.BillyJeanKing says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.
BillyJeanKing says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.BillyJeanKing says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.BillyJeanKing says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.BillyJeanKing says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.BillyJeanKing says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.BillyJeanKing says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.BillyJeanKing says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.BillyJeanKing says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.BillyJeanKing says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.BillyJeanKing says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.BillyJeanKing says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.
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Old 05-05-2010, 11:54 PM   #14
theholycow
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theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.
theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.
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When wife came out during that break, she promised once we got home to make up for it, but you can guess how that went.
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Old 05-05-2010, 11:57 PM   #15
stonehenge
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stonehenge says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.stonehenge says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.stonehenge says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.stonehenge says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.stonehenge says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.stonehenge says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.
stonehenge says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.stonehenge says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.stonehenge says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.stonehenge says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.stonehenge says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.stonehenge says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.stonehenge says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.
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i usually take such promises with a grain of salt especially if we are busy all day, it usually results in instant sleep
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Old 05-09-2010, 08:22 PM   #16
shootermcgavin003
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shootermcgavin003 will gtfo if Matt becomes mod on AOTshootermcgavin003 will gtfo if Matt becomes mod on AOTshootermcgavin003 will gtfo if Matt becomes mod on AOTshootermcgavin003 will gtfo if Matt becomes mod on AOT
shootermcgavin003 will gtfo if Matt becomes mod on AOTshootermcgavin003 will gtfo if Matt becomes mod on AOTshootermcgavin003 will gtfo if Matt becomes mod on AOTshootermcgavin003 will gtfo if Matt becomes mod on AOTshootermcgavin003 will gtfo if Matt becomes mod on AOTshootermcgavin003 will gtfo if Matt becomes mod on AOT
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i got tired of ready had to get a pepsi
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