[theholycow]

(Pharmacy | Lansing, MI, USA)

(I am standing in line at the pharmacy counter and a man rudely cuts in front of me, stating that he has been waiting in line, just in another part of the store. He assures me he’ll be quick, but I don’t buy his excuse. The following exchange occurs between him and the pharmacist.)

Customer: “I need to speak to a pharmacist immediately.”

Pharmacist: “Do you have a question about your medication?”

Customer: “Yes, it says on the bottle to take with water. I don’t drink water. Water makes you fat.”

Pharmacist: “Um, water is essential for your body, especially with those pills.”

Customer: “What about water retention? Will I just pee it out, then?”

Pharmacist: “Yeah, your body will eventually eliminate it. You should drink water, though. Your body needs plenty of water to work well, and you really don’t want to be dehydrated while on this drug.”

Customer: “Okay, I’ll try it. Oh, and one more question. What about alcohol? Can I still have my alcohol?”

(Library | Melbourne, Australia)

(A customer is returning a large pile of overdue books – about 90 for the entire family. She’s waiting while I process them in order to pay the fine.)

Me: “Well, they’re not very overdue. It’s just that there’s a lot of them.”

Customer: “Yeah, I know. I’m sorry they’re late.”

(I scan the last few books.)

Me: “Okay, over the three cards, there’s $50 in fines, but I’ll halve that to $25 as they’re not too late.”

Customer: “Oh, thanks so much. I just couldn’t get them in as we’ve all had scarlet fever.”

(I look at the pile of books, every one of which I have handled.)

Me: “Oh…”

(My boyfriend and I are talking about Chinese wedding dresses after a friend of his got married.)

Me: “If we ever get married, I’m gonna have to get one made here before we go.”

Boyfriend: “Why? They do sell them there.”

Me: “Well, yes, but I’m not exactly shaped like a Chinese girl. ”

Boyfriend: “Oh, it’s okay. We have fat girls in China too!”

(For the record, I was referring to the fact that I have decently sized breasts. I did end up marrying him and found the one dress that fit me, too!)

(Bank | Ohio, USA)

(This customer’s account has been overdrawn for over a month. This is due to several ATM withdrawals when she didn’t have the money in her account.)

Customer: “You need to refund these overdraft fees because you never notified me that I was overdrawn.”

Me: “According to the notes on your account, you called us every time before you made a withdrawal. Every time, a rep told you that you’d get a fee if you didn’t make a deposit to cover it the following day.”

Customer: “Nope, you never informed me of any fees. Yeah, I took $500 I didn’t have in the account, but I shouldn’t get fees because you never notified me of any fees. Refund them now!”

Me: “We also called you every day over the past month. We sent you a text and email alert every day. We also sent you 10 letters letting you know that your account is overdrawn. You will continue to get fees until you deposit enough money to cover the negative balance.”

Customer: “I throw away all my mail from you because I think it’s junk. I don’t check my email and I ignore your texts, so it’s not my fault that I didn’t know I was getting fees. Refund them now, because I wasn’t notified of the fees!”

Me: “Yeah, no. That’s not going to happen.”

Customer: “But you never notified me!”