*at local bar with friend*
*waitress walks up*
She gives me a highfive as we've known eachother for awhile. Friends first time meeting her.
Waitress: Your here again?! Must like me an awful lot.
Me: Who you kidding....I just made your day by showing up.
Friend: Can I get a highfive too?
Waitress: SURE! *raises her hand*
Friend: Funny thing about my hand...
I knew where he was going, and did the biggest simultaneous
Friend: ....is its located on my penis.
Waitress: *small laugh/WTF?!* ..looks at me
Me: You dont happen to give discounts to special needs helpers do you?
My friend is going to be foreveralone for the REST OF HIS LIFE.