[theholycow]

http://www.reddit.com/r/sex/comments...ic_sex/ckjs3qa

I have a funny story about this. Ever since my early teens I have been a voyeur and exhibitionist and during my awkward teen phases it usually culminated in masturbating in the bushes during PE class listening to the girls' soccer team or sneaking into the girl's bathroom to listen to them and touch myself but graduated into a love of outdoor public fornication. I'm sure you guys know the feeling. Once I found a girl who was infatuated with the same things I was, there was no going back.

However, there is not much in life that is worth become a sex offender for and I figured I had made it that far so keep up the streak: how could my girlfriend and I fuck publicly without being seen by unwilling people and children? The answer came to me in the form of a facebook post. My unit was posting photos to our page from our time in the sandbox so I was scrolling through when I came across a picture of a high-speed guy in a Ghillie suit. Immediately the seed was planted in my mind and I began constructing two suits with the local foliage, with adequate coverage but also holes for genitalia.

After hours of toil, my work was done, and we set a nice mid-fall date to go to do the deed. Tumescent with anticipation, my Aphrodite and I arrived at a site of very public hiking trails and found a nice spot along the trail, a site that aroused the senses and prepared one for beautiful fornication. Stripping down, I took a moment to admire her body before slipping on our ghillie suits. The suits were impeccable, a testament to my skill if I do say so myself. hiding our gear, we shacked up under a bush and viola, immediately began fucking stealthily. My friends in the ranger regiment would have been duly impressed (and they were when I told them afterwards) with our ability to copulate while impersonating foliage. and by god it was fantastic. There's something special about fucking a girl on a bed of fresh crunchy fall leaves with the smell of organic decay permeating your nostrils.

Now, we had chosen the middle of a school day to do this so to avoid children, so imagine our surprise when we heard a cherubic voice from down the trail: "Mommy, why is that bush moving funny?" we froze, not even moving to observe our threat. pure discipline. Anyway, there was an awkward pause where I could tell the lady must have been able to determine two human shaped lumps in a compromising position, and the seconds dragged on as I wondered what it would feel like to be butt-fingered by a forest ranger doing a cavity search. I heard her murmur something to the child, and I figured that would be the end of it... and that's when my girlfriend queefed with the force of a Titan missile.

FLLLLLLATATATLALTLATLATLALTAT

Now, one thing you should know about me is I act on instinct in these compromising situations as I have been trained to do so I did the only thing I could do: save face.

slowly turning to reveal my face, I locked eyes with the child and let out a wild gorilla call. I grabbed my girlfriend, also screaming, and I'll be damned if we didn't hightail it deeper into the woods like a couple of horny hermits to fuck some more.