[theholycow]

(Call Center | Gainesville, Florida, USA)

(I am calling a customer, we’ll call him John Smith, to get feedback on a service he registered with. It’s required that they verify their name.)

Me: “Hello, I’m calling from [organization]. May I speak to John Smith?”

Customer: “Yeah, who’s calling?”

Me: “This is [my name]. I’m calling because you recently signed up for one of our services and we’re gathering feedback. Is this a good time to talk?”

Customer: “Oh, uh…John isn’t here right now.”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry. I’d be happy to call back. When’s a good time?”

Customer: “I don’t know. What’s this about?”

Me: “We’re just trying to improve our programs and services. It’s optional, but we’d like to get as much feedback from our customers as possible.”

Customer: “Okay, go ahead.”

Me: “I do need to speak to Mr. Smith, though. When will he be available?”

Customer: “He’s available now.”

Me: “Oh, may I speak to him then?”

Customer: “You are speaking to him.”

Me: “Oh.” *laughing* “You got me. Why didn’t you say this was John Smith at first?”

Customer: “I didn’t know who you were.”

Me: “I see. Okay, shall we begin then? I just have a few questions. So to begin, what is your first name?”

Customer: “No, I don’t give out my name over the phone.”

Me: “Don’t worry, it doesn’t get attached to your answers, it’s just to confirm–”

Customer: “You don’t have my name. I’m not giving you my name.”

Me: “Well, Mr. Smith, I already have your name, but I don’t do anything with it except to have something to call you by–”

Customer: “This isn’t Mr. Smith.”

Me: “It’s not? But you said–”

Customer: “You asked if you were speaking to John Smith, and I said yes. But I’m not telling you who I am. C’mon, I wanna do the survey.”

Me: “I have to do it with the customer, though. If Mr. Smith is available later, though–”

Customer: “No, he’s available! I’m available!”

Me: “So this is John Smith? Again, I can assure you that your feedback is anonymous.”

Customer: I” don’t give out any information over the phone. I don’t know who you are.”

(Thinking that maybe the lines have crossed, I ask to verify the phone number to be sure this is actually the customer’s number.)

Customer: “Maybe that’s the number you called, maybe not. I’ll answer your questions though. And also…”

(He begins rattling off suggestions for improving our services.)

Me: “If I can’t verify that I called the right person at the right number, I can’t take down any of this. I’m sorry.”

Customer: “But I’m who you’re looking for!”

Me: “So, you’re John Smith?”

Customer: “Maybe! Let’s do the survey.”

Me: “Okay, I’m sorry, sir, but there’s nothing I can do if you can’t verify your identity. Have a good evening.”

Customer: “Wait! I’ll do the survey!”

That customer rules. I gotta remember to pull that kind of shenanigans.

(Hotel | California, USA)

Caller: “I have a reservation! I know I have one!”

Me: “Okay, ma’am, I don’t appear to have one under your name. Is there another name it could be under?”

Caller: “NO! I have a reservation!”

Me: “May I ask how you booked your reservation?”

Caller: “I don’t know, but I have one!”

Me: “Okay, did you book it online? Call the hotel or choice? did you come to the hotel and book it?”

Caller: “No, I didn’t do any of those things but I know I have a reservation.”

Me: “Could anyone else have made the reservation for you? Perhaps a travel agency?”

Caller: “No, but I have a reservation! I know I do.”

Me: “Do you have a confirmation number I could look it up with?”

Caller: “No.”

Me: “Ma’am, if you didn’t book a reservation, and no one booked it for you, I don’t think you could possibly have a reservation. But, I would love to make you a reservation. In fact, I can make it right now. I’ll just need to get some information from you.”

Caller: “No, I do not give out my information. I have a reservation!” *hangs up*

That one, not so great.

(Phone Company | Texas, USA)

Caller: ‎”Hi, I don’t think my phone is ringing as many times as it’s supposed to.”

Me: “Well, sir, I can test call it if you’d like and we’ll see how many times it rings.”

(I test call the customer. It rings once and he answers.)

Customer: “Yeah, it only rang once that time. It’s supposed to ring four times.”

Me: “Sir, it only rang once because you answered it after the first ring.”

Customer: “Yeah, I know, but it’s still supposed to ring four times!”

(Bookstore | Virginia, USA)

(I’m helping a customer find “The Autobiography of Mark Twain”. As I hand it to her, she remarks on the size of the book.)

Me: “It’s hard to believe it’s only volume one, isn’t it?”

Customer: “It is?”

Me: “Yeah, see? Right under the title.”

Customer: “Oh, he must not have written the second one yet!”

---------- Post added at 02:40 PM ---------- Previous post was at 01:53 PM ----------

(Supermarket | Sydney, NSW, Australia)

(I am serving a mother and her teenage daughter. There is a limited edition version of a popular type of gum. The daughter picks up a packet.)

Customer: *looking outraged* “I’m not buying you condoms!” *slaps the gum out of her hands*

Customer’s daughter: *embarrassed* “They’re not condoms!”

Customer: “Or…whatever they are!”

Customer’s daughter: “It’s gum!”

Customer: *embarrassed*

Customer’s daughter: *even more embarrassed and turning bright red*

Both of them: *hurriedly pay and leave, without the gum*