[theholycow]

(Museum | Halifax, Nova Scotia, Canada)

(This museum has a large Titanic exhibit. Many of the rescued survivors were brought to Halifax after the ship sank. Many of the recovered bodies of the vicitms are buried here as well. A tourist approaches me.)

Tourist: “So, is Leonardo Di Caprio buried upstairs?”

...we can only wish.

(Restaurant | Fresno, CA, USA)

(I am working as the host at a family restaurant. It’s particularly busy night, so I am taking down names on the wait list on.)

Me: “Hey, how’s it going?”

Customer: “It’s going to be 6 with 2 kids.”

Me: “So, a total of 6 people?”

Customer: “No, 8!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. Okay, a total of 8. I got you down.”

(Their party has to wait for around 30 minutes to be seated. Right after we seat them, the woman comes back up to the front.)

Customer: “Um, excuse me! How do you expect us to fit at this table?!”

Me: “Well, that table can usually hold 8 people. It seats four on one side, and four on the other.”

Customer: “But we have 13 people!”

Me: “Ma’am, when I asked you the total amount of people, you told me 8.”

Customer: “No, I told you 8 adults and 3 children!”

Me: “But that only adds up to 11–”

Customer: “That doesn’t matter! We can’t fit!”

(Tech Support | Wellington, New Zealand)

(I answer calls for technical support within the company.)

Caller: “My computer is a fire risk.”

Me: “What makes you say that?”

Caller: “It gets hot. There are papers near it.”

Me: “If you’re worried about it, you can move the papers away.”

Caller: “I am moving the papers, but you must send someone to look at it.”

Me: “Computers usually get warm–”

Caller: “You don’t understand. My computer is a fire risk!”

Me: “Okay, I’ll log a job and get someone to look at it.”

Caller: “When? It is very urgent. I need someone to come now.”

(I log the job and ring the technician to explain that the customer is very keen to have someone come as soon as possible. The next day, he rings me back to tell me what happened.)

Technician: “You know that computer that was a fire risk?”

Me: “Yes?”

Technician: “She meant it was on fire.”

Cez must have been there.