[theholycow]

Couple of real winners here...

(My boyfriend and I are sitting at home. He gets a call from a number he doesn’t know.)

Boyfriend: “Hello?”

Caller: “Why are you doing this to Amanda?”

Boyfriend: “Excuse me, what?”

Caller: “Stop the ****. This is your sister, and I’m sitting here with Amanda and she’s really pissed at you. Come back…”

(She goes on for awhile about Amanda and her boyfriend. My boyfriend has long since put this on speaker so we can both listen to his “sister’s” rant.)

Boyfriend: “I don’t know any Amandas. And my girlfriend is sitting right here with me. Who are you looking for?”

(For the next few moments, the two women on the phone scream at my boyfriend about how they knew he was cheating on Amanda and how they’re “gonna get” him.)

Boyfriend: “My name is John [last name].”

Caller: “Oh…” *pauses* “Not John [different last name]?”

Boyfriend: “Promise.”

Caller: *hangs up*

(My boyfriend and I sit there for a little, shocked. Finally, I speak up.)

Me: “If you ever meet anyone named Amanda, run away.”

(Bookstore | North Shore, MA, USA)

(This happens while I am working at a Christian book store that also sells other “Christian” items. This particular incident involves a customer’s dissatisfaction with a child’s toy called the “Armor of God”, which includes a sword, a shield, and armor.)

Me: “Hello, thank you for calling [store]. How may I help you today?”

Caller: “Hello, I would like a refund for a toy I bought my son last week called the ‘Armor of God’.”

Me: “I can help you with that. Can I please have the order number?”

Caller: “Yes, the order number is ########.”

Me: “Now, was the item defective or damaged in any way, or are you simply dissatisfied with the product?”

Caller: “The toy is possessed.”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Caller: “The moment my son put on the armor he started screaming and running around attacking everything with the sword. The toy is possessed and I want a full refund. Frankly I’m shocked that a store advertising Christian products would sell something like this!”

Me: “Okay, well, if you box up the items, I can send you a return shipping label. When the toy arrives at our warehouse you will receive a full refund.”

Caller: “You want it back?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. I can’t give you a refund unless the item is returned.”

Caller: “I’m afraid that’s impossible.”

Me: “Has the toy been damaged in some way?”

Caller: “No, I buried it.”

Me: “What?”

Caller: “It was possessed by a demon, so I buried it.”

Me: “Well, I’m sorry, ma’am, but if that’s the case, I’m afraid I cannot give you a refund.”

Caller: “Why not?”

Me: “Well, you buried the toy in the ground. You’re refusing to return it and the toy is ruined anyway. Per company policy, I cannot give you a refund.”

Caller: “Are you serious? First, you sell me a possessed toy, putting my family in danger, and now you refuse to give me my money back? I demand to speak to your manager!”

Me: “Certainly, ma’am, but first have you considered that possibly the toy isn’t possessed and that your son was just play fighting?”

Caller: “How dare you! Do you think I don’t know the difference? Do you think I’m lying? My son has never acted this way before. The toy is possessed and I am owed a refund. I demand to speak to your manager! I have never been so insulted!”

Me: “Let me place you on hold while I transfer you to my supervisor…”