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-   -   LOL pics? :bishplz: LOL text... (http://www.allofftopic.com/showthread.php?t=939)

shootermcgavin003 08-16-2011 11:11 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by theholycow (Post 328552)
...nobody can be THAT stupid, that's gotta be fake. Right?
actually no people can be that fucking dumb

theholycow 08-18-2011 05:47 PM
Ok, here's one not from Canadialand.
Quote:
(Hardware Store | TN, USA)

Me: “Hi, thanks for calling [store]. How may I help you?”

Caller: *extremely inebriated* “I just noticed a bump on my privates.”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Caller: “I need to come over and have you take a look at it.”

Me: “Sir, I think you want a doctor. This is a hardware store.”

Caller: *long pause* “You’re not my mom?”

theholycow 08-19-2011 08:02 PM
...
Quote:
(Bookstore | Vestavia, AL, USA)

(A customer approaches me with a box set of the Twilight novels.)

Customer: “Hi, I’m looking for a gift for my 13 year old granddaughter and I think she would like these. My wife said to look at them. Don’t they promote abstinence?”

Me: “Well, sort of. The two main characters do end up sleeping together in the final book, though they are married. There’s some uncomfortable gore, though. I wouldn’t recommend it for a 13 year old.”

Customer: *confused* “I was told these would be great for her. What kind of gore do you mean?”

Me: “Well, the girl ends up getting pregnant with a half-vampire baby and, er, the male main character sort of rips it out of her with his teeth.”

Customer: *drops books in horror* “That’s horrific! And these are for teenage girls? Why would people read that?”

Me: “I wonder the same thing myself, sir.”

stonehenge 08-19-2011 08:33 PM
:jester:

Fgtlight :nono:

theholycow 08-26-2011 01:38 AM
http://icanhasimage.com/images/w7ec9vz.png

Quote:
(Pharmacy | Europe)

(I’m speaking with a three year old girl as I serve her mother.)

Me: “Do you like the pharmacy? Do you think you will be a pharmacist when you grow up?”

Girl: “No! I will be a dancer!”

Me: “Oh, a dancer! That’s nice! Like in a dance group?”

Girl: “No! On the pole!”
Quote:
(Car Dealership | Detroit, MI, USA)

(An elderly woman walks onto the lot from and begins asking me about a car.)

Me: “Hello, ma’am, what can I help you with today?”

Customer: “What can you tell me about this red car?”

Me: “This is a 1999 Volvo V70.”

Customer: “A Vulva! My grand-daughter has a vulva! Her boyfriend said he absolutely loves it!”

(I unsuccessfully try to keep a straight face.)

Me: “I’m sure he does, ma’am.”
Quote:
(School | Luton, UK)

(A 4-year-old child has trapped her finger in a door, so I’m going over the accident form with her mother when she comes to pick her up.)

Mother: “Index finger? What the h*** is that?”

Me: *showing her* “This one here.”

Mother: “What? That’s a pointer-finger.”

Me: “Well, yes, but in medicine it’s called the index finger.”

Mother: “That’s not true. I’ve never heard that. Is that supposed to be funny? Just because I’m a woman–”

Me: “Well, no–”

Mother: “Yes, it is! What kind of a man works at a nursery anyway?”

Child: “A man who knows about fingers!”

Cez★ 08-26-2011 01:39 AM
im not squinting to look at that shit

theholycow 08-26-2011 01:53 AM
I zoomed to read it. Fuck small text.

stonehenge 08-26-2011 02:49 AM
TS;DR

:imo

swab 08-26-2011 03:29 PM
you guys must be blind, i read that perfect :shrug:

theholycow 08-26-2011 03:46 PM
We're older and have smaller monitors.

stonehenge 08-26-2011 05:05 PM
i didnt read it because i was on tapatalk at the time and it was blurry as shit

OKLAGMCRUISER 08-26-2011 05:19 PM
iz can read wit my 32" monitor at work...lol

theholycow 08-26-2011 06:13 PM
19" LCD at work is only like 18 inches from my face, no problem reading it there...at home I have a 17" CRT (so 15.4" viewable area) that's like 3+ feet from my face. I could still read it but I had to struggle. :blah:

Cez★ 08-26-2011 07:10 PM
Lol I forgot I haz aot on smaller font. Guess it shrank pic too

shootermcgavin003 08-31-2011 04:15 AM
its worth the read actually

stonehenge 08-31-2011 02:37 PM
finally read it

the dog was probably like

:awwyeah:

Cez★ 08-31-2011 06:21 PM
Read it while deucing. Dog prawlee sniffed it and :creepygusta:

shootermcgavin003 09-01-2011 05:29 AM
dog could have been like mmm fish stick

theholycow 09-12-2011 06:39 PM
Quote:
Customer: “Hi, I’d like to order a small pizza.”

Me: “Sure, anything else today?”

Customer: “My number?”

Me: “…anything else?”

Customer: “My number?” *smiles*

Me: “Your number…?”

Customer: “…sorry, I wanted to try that pick-up line out.”

Me: “Oh…well…it didn’t work. Have a nice day.”

Customer: *walks away with his head down*
Illustrated for AOT:

Customer: “Hi, I’d like to order a small pizza.”
:homerdrool:

Me: “Sure, anything else today?” :mexiblah:

Customer: “My number?”
:cheeky:

Me: “…anything else?”
:bertstare:

Customer: “My number?” *smiles*
:stimpy:

Me: “Your number…?”
:lolwut:

Customer: “…sorry, I wanted to try that pick-up line out.”
:ddog:

Me: “Oh…well…it didn’t work. Have a nice day.”
:kittahstare:

Customer: *walks away with his head down*
:okay:
:emokfc:

theholycow 09-21-2011 06:45 PM
(Restaurant | TVM, Kerala, India)

(Note: most of our customers on our home-delivery call number are tourists, foreigners, or upper-class residents who speak in English.)

Me: “Hello, how can I help you today? Would you like to hear about our specials?”

Customer: “Um, let me think. No?”

Me: “That’s quite fine. Can I take your order?”

Customer: “One stir-fried peas and three butter pattora please.”

Me: “Okay, one order of stir-fried peas and three butter parrota. Can I have–”

Customer: Not peas. It’s stir-fried peas.”

Me: “That is one stir-fried peas, right?”

Customer: “No! It’s PEAS! PEA-SEF!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, I’m hearing stir-fried peas: P as in potato, E as in eclairs, A as in apple, and S as in suga–”

Customer: “No! No! Moooo!”

Me: “What’s that, ma’am? I didn’t hear you.”

Customer: “MOO! MOOOO!”

Me: “Oh! You mean beef. Sorry about that, ma’am. So, one order of stir-fried beef and three butter parrota. Are we good?”

Customer: “Ha! yes! Stir-fried pea-sef! *gives address*

Me: “Alrighty, we’ll have it delivered in 15-minutes. Have a nice day!”

Customer: “MOO! I will!” *click*

stonehenge 09-21-2011 08:09 PM
pinche cao can't speek english

shootermcgavin003 09-22-2011 01:45 AM
cao sacred in india

theholycow 09-26-2011 05:42 PM
(Travel Agency, | Phoenix, AZ, USA)

Customer: “I would like to schedule a Grand Canyon white water rafting and whale watching trip, please.”

Me: “So you’d like a tour to go to the Grand Canyon and then a tour to the ocean for whale watching?”

Customer: “No, I want to see the whales at the Grand Canyon!”

stonehenge 09-26-2011 08:07 PM
:facepalm:

shootermcgavin003 09-28-2011 04:02 AM
response

is your wife going to be there if so we are good


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