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theholycow 09-27-2012 09:14 PM
http://www.songmeanings.net/songs/view/68310
Quote:
Originally Posted by lyrics
Supertramp – Breakfast in America

Take a look at my girlfriend
She's the only one I got
Not much of a girlfriend
Never seem to get a lot

Take a jumbo across the water
Like to see America
See the girls in California
I'm hoping it's going to come true
But there's not a lot I can do

Could we have kippers for breakfast
Mummy dear, Mummy dear
They got to have 'em in Texas
Cos everyone's a millionaire

I'm a winner, I'm a sinner
Do you want my autograph
I'm a loser, what a joker
I'm playing my jokes upon you
While there's nothing better to do

Don't you look at my girlfriend
She's the only one I got
Not much of a girlfriend
Never seem to get a lot

Take a jumbo cross the water
Like to see America
See the girls in California
I'm hoping it's going to come true
But there's not a lot I can do
Quote:
Originally Posted by first comment
You are all a bunch of lunatics. Read the lyrics, they are self explanatory. The ONLY part of the song that might give you any reason to give question is the kippers for breakfast part. Kippers are NOT a delicacy. Kippers are the real life version of red herring. Think about it. The child is way off from reality with his request for a proverbial red herring, just like the rest of the song. Want this, want that, it has little meaning in the big picture. We just want. But its all a read herring. Like the girlfriend, take a look at her, never seem to get alot, but she's the only one I got, etc. Its all wonderful but not as wonderful as it seems.

The people asking about the "jumbo" reference; Dolts, it means "jumbo jet"...."took a jumbo across the water, like to see America" How would you go across the water to see America? Obviously not from anywhere close by, has to go ACROSS THE WATER to get here. What else would it be? JUMBO what? Think of all the words ever used in conjunction and tell me what else it could possibly be..."JUMBO"- what? Hmmm, goes across the water to America.....Hmmmm, Jumbo.... Jumbo Boat? Jumbo Submarine? Jumbo Balloon? Jumbo Slingshot? Jumbo Spacecraft? What could it possibly be that is considered jumbo that is used to go across the water to the USA from abroad? Oh, JUMBO F*UCKING JET is a commonly used phrase, could it possibly be that? No, let me ask a dopey question on this website. What are you freaking 105 years old? Get a clue.

JoeFubietze on July 29, 2011
:roflsquared: :clap: Bravo, JoeFubietze, bravo.

stonehenge 09-27-2012 09:28 PM
:hemad:

lowerc 09-28-2012 01:25 PM
Jumbo.....I thought he was still talking about his shitty girlfriend. no idea it was a jet. :roflshrug:

theholycow 09-28-2012 01:44 PM
TBH I could never make out 60% of the words in that song and always thought he was saying something about gumbo.

stonehenge 10-05-2012 10:04 PM
Pics of text count? Thought some were jesty:

http://imgur.com/a/pCdd7

Cez★ 10-05-2012 10:25 PM
Lol @ holy deuce one

linden 10-17-2012 09:05 PM
http://dontevenreply.com/view.php?post=105

stonehenge 10-17-2012 09:37 PM
:rofltank:

Fatso 10-18-2012 09:29 PM
lol

stonehenge 11-06-2012 05:12 PM
Quote:
About six years back I was working as a phone support temp for a very large outsourcing company that dealt with everything from attaching servers to racks to plugging USB cables into cellphone chargers for their customers. One of these customers was of the largest branches of a government suit that had users ranging from shift nurses to oil rig workers, which meant calls could be everything from pressing a power button to that someone's cell tower was causing packet loss for a production server out in the Altantic.

One of these calls was from an elderly woman who presented herself as the head nurse of a retirement home that was in dire need of assistance with their... cheese wheel.

Paraphrasing this from memory, it went something along these lines:

Elderly woman: "The cheese wheel stopped working this morning, we can't get any work done now!"

Me: "The... did you just say cheese wheel?"

Elderly woman: "What else would it be?! Your guys installed the thing, now fix it!"
Me, muting the call: groan

Me, to co-worker: "Which of the installation techs would install a cheese wheel for a retirement home?"

Co-worker: "Che-- what? Are you sure you aren't getting a prank call?"

Me, unmuting the line: "Is this supposed to be a joke? We don't "install" cheese wheels."

Woman: "MANAGER."

Me, muting the line, to manager: "<location> has trouble with their cheese wheel and wants to speak with you."

Manager stares blankly at me and checks the date, we're in the middle of January. "Cheese?"

Me: "Yes... cheese."

Manager, picking up the call and putting it on speaker: "This is ilifins manager, <name>. What seems to be the problem?"

Woman: "Our bloody cheese wheel isn't fucking working anymore and your shitty phone man is not listening to me!"

Manager: "I can assure you that we do not install cheese wheels as there would be quite the smell from rotting cheese after a while. Can you describe the object to me?"

Woman: "It's giant, it's yellow, it's full of holes and it stopped blinking this morning! No blinking is a bad sign, said <funniest installation tech we've ever had> when he plugged it in for us."

Manager, choking a laugh: "Did he call it the cheese wheel?"

Woman: "YES! WHY ISN'T ANYONE HELPING ME"

Manager: "I understand the problem at hand and will take the necessary steps to rectify your situation. A man will be at your location within the hour."

Woman: "THANK YOU." <click>

The office landscape of 50+ people bursts into laughter and the installation tech in question comes strolling in at the most amazing timing anyone has ever had. The slowly developing shitfaced grin on his face as we explained why we were laughing was priceless. "I knew this day would come," he said as he picked up his car keys and went into a store room, bringing out a spare circular shaped USB hub with 12 ports in it, yellow and quite full of holes.

TL;DR Giving weird nicknames to the wrong things confuses phone techs, creating a cheesy situation.
:lol:

Cez★ 11-06-2012 05:43 PM
:rofltank:

theholycow 12-10-2012 08:31 PM
From http://www.safebraking.com/humor-fun...-failure-joke/

A mechanic, a manager, and a computer programmer are riding in a car. They come to a hill and their brakes fail. After careening down the hill and finally coming to a stop they get out to decide what to do. The manager says “We need to have a meeting to form a committee to see what we should do next!” The mechanic says, “Screw that! Give me a pocket knife and some duck tape and I’ll have us going in no time!” The programmer looks at them both and says, “Lets push it back to the top and see if it does it again.”

stonehenge 12-10-2012 08:54 PM
lulz

theholycow 12-12-2012 01:06 AM
I only understand this one because of internet memes. Thank you, internet!

http://notalwaysromantic.com/good-th...-part-10/23972
Quote:
(One night, my husband walks into the bedroom while I am the middle of changing into my pyjamas.)

Husband: “A wild Sarah appears!”

Me: “Wild Sarah uses ‘seduce’!”

(I start kissing him, and we sit on the bed.)

Husband: “It’s super-effective.”

(At that moment, my husband puts his hands on my bare back.)

Me: “Gah! Your hands are cold!” *jumps away*

Husband: “Steve uses ‘frigid hands’!”

Me: “The wild Sarah retreats!”

stonehenge 12-12-2012 01:34 AM
pokemans

Cez★ 12-12-2012 02:03 AM
it got away :(

theholycow 12-12-2012 02:09 AM
http://notalwaysright.com/fare-the-horde/24798
Quote:
(Bus | Seattle, WA, USA)

(On my Seattle bus, a passenger tries to slip in through the back door and sneak to a seat without paying.)

Bus Driver: “Please come up and pay, sir.”

Fare-evading Passenger: *smirks and ignores him*

Bus Driver: “Sir, please come up and pay.”

Fare-evading Passenger: *continues ignoring him*

(Fed up, I intervene.)

Me: “That’s you, bro.”

Fare-evading Passenger: *smirks again*

(I wait a few seconds before I get up, walk over, and pull out one of his ear-buds.)

Me: “Look. I got three hours of sleep last night, I’m having a bad morning, and you are not going to make me late for work. Get your self-entitled a** up there and pay your d*** fare!”

Fare-evading Passenger: *slinks up to the front of the bus and pays*

(Note that I’m wearing a t-shirt with “Thrall” from World of Warcraft. Another passenger at the front notices and shouts back towards me…)

Another Passenger: “FOR THE HORDE!”
An irritable warcraft player with insufficient sleep? That's novel. :rolleyes:

theholycow 12-31-2012 10:25 PM
http://notalwaysright.com/waaay-lost...nslation/26065
Quote:
(Retail | Aurora, CO, USA)

(It is a pretty mild day, and most everyone is buzzing about the new Ikea that has opened up the month prior. I am chatting with a particularly effervescent woman with a full cart to scan. She has asked about my studies.)

Me: “I’m just going to school downtown. I’m studying Spanish and German.”

Customer: “Wow! That’s impressive! Pretty and smart!”

Me: “Oh, well thank you! I actually pick up languages easily. I’ve also studied Chinese and French, and for the past year my best friend has been teaching me Swedish.”

Customer: *scoffs* “Swedish? Ha! Like you could speak Swedish!”

Me: “Yes, actually I can. He actually was born and raised in Stockholm… he’s still living there, actually. He’s Swedish, teaching me Swedish, so I can go to Sweden.”

Customer: “Well, I know people who work at Ikea, and they know Swedish. So, tell me, what’s ‘Hello,’ then?”

Me: “‘Hej,’ or ‘Hallo.’ That can be followed up with ‘Hur mår du’ and other various phrases.”

Customer: “Ha! I knew you didn’t speak Swedish. That’s not how you say ‘Hello!’”

Me: “Yes, it is, actually.”

Customer: “No, it’s not! My friends work at Ikea! They would know! You’re not speaking Swedish. That’s not Swedish!”

Me: “Okay, then apparently my Swedish friend doesn’t know how to speak his native tongue. How do you say, ‘Hello’, in Swedish?”

(The customer looks proud in her win and straightens herself.)

Customer: “It’s f*******e.”

(My jaw drops. The translation of this is roughly ‘c***face’.)

Me: “Yes… yes sweetie, that’s exactly how you say that. You’re right. Have a nice day.”

(She left looking incredibly satisfied. The moment I got off of work, I texted my friend. He and I still laugh about this over a year later.)

stonehenge 12-31-2012 10:38 PM
ikea calls peeps cuntface as they enter the store?

:notbad:

Cez★ 12-31-2012 10:47 PM
whats with the bleeping out.fgts

theholycow 01-08-2013 09:46 PM
Every day in IT....

http://notalwaysworking.com/problem-...keyboard/28081
Quote:
(Tech Support | Chicago, IL, USA)

(I write software for manufacturing companies. I’ve just written a program for a company with a plant in Iowa, and have installed it on the supervisor stations at the manufacturing sites. It has been online for about two months, and has gotten lots of praise from the people who have used it. One morning, at about 2 am, I receive a phone call from one of the night supervisors at that plant.)

Supervisor: “Your program’s screwed up! It locked up after I had put in about 90% of the data I need to, and it won’t let me finish!”

(I remember this supervisor: it’s important to note that his office makes trash cans look spacious. For someone to open the door, he has to turn his wheeled chair ninety degrees. There’s no room to back the chair up; you need to stand up, push the chair under the desk, move out of the way, and then open the door.)

Me: “Okay, tell me exactly what happened.”

Supervisor: “I was entering data, when [line boss] comes in with the orders for the morning shift. I talked with him about them for about 2 minutes, then he went back to work and I sat back down at the computer I tried to continue typing, but nothing is happening!”

Me: “Try moving the mouse. Does the cursor move on the screen?”

Supervisor: “Yes, that still seems to be working.”

Me: “Good. I was kind of expecting this problem Click on the SAVE button in the program.”

Supervisor: “But I’m not done entering the data!”

Me:“ I know, but this way you don’t lose any of the work you have done. Let me know when it says save is complete.”

Supervisor: ”Okay, it’s done.”

Me: “Now, look at the back of the keyboard. Do you see the cable coming out the back?”

Supervisor: “Yes…”

Me: “Follow the cable back to the end.”

Supervisor: *grunts* “Okay, I can see the end.”

Me: “Is it plugged into anything?”

Supervisor: “No.”

Me: “When you turned your chair, your knee probably caught on the keyboard cable and unplugged it. If you plug it back in, everything should be fine.”

(I listen to the sounds of grunting for a minute. Eventually, he gets back on the phone.)

Supervisor: “Yeah, it works now. Tomorrow I’m getting a wireless mouse and keyboard. Thanks!”

stonehenge 01-08-2013 10:20 PM
dnw nasty offices full of trash

i remember a couple that were kinda :uhoh: when i was doing normal tech stuffs and plenty of keyboards that made me wash my hands right away

:korkahdnw:

theholycow 01-09-2013 01:27 AM
Doesn't sound like his office is full of trash, sounds like it's a tiny closet that they call his "office". Some of our faculty have "offices" like that. :(

stonehenge 01-09-2013 01:38 PM
Ah i see, fts also

Sent from my Galaxy Nexus using Tapatalk 2

theholycow 02-06-2013 08:16 PM
http://notalwaysright.com/yukon-freeze-it-part-2/27030
(Call Center | ON, Canada)

(I work at a call centre located in Canada, but our focus is verifying orders placed for long distance phone service with a particular company in America, so all our incoming calls originate from there. I am on a call with a man from a Southern state.)

Caller: “Where are you from?”

Me: “We’re located in Canada, sir.”

Caller: “Oh wow, you must see a lot of moose up there then?”

Me: “Well, maybe more so out west, sir. But we are in Southern Ontario. There aren’t really any moose here.”

Caller: “You must have a lot of snow, right?”

Me: *it’s currently Summer* “Yes, during the winter we can get lots of snow.”

Caller: “How do you power your call centre?”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir? We use electricity.”

Caller: “Wouldn’t the heat from electricity melt the igloos?”

(I have to mute my headset as I laugh and try to compose myself. I want so badly to joke with him, but our calls are recorded.)

Me: “No, sir. We live in houses and buildings in cities just like you. Even way up north I don’t think you’d find any igloos anymore.”

Caller: “Really? Oh. What were you asking me again?”

(We resume the call as normal, but at the after our goodbyes, he jumps in.)

Caller: “Wait! If I give you my email, can you send me a picture of a moose?”

Me: “I’m sorry, I can’t do that.”

Caller: “Aw, how come?”

Me: “Because it’s against company policy and the moose are camera shy. Have a great day, sir!”


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